Donald Trump’s quest to restore America’s tighty whities

Donald Trump wants to give America a pair of reinforced, double woven tighty whities.


DELRAY BEACH, Fla., November 10, 2016 — Remember your mother telling you to wear clean underwear in case you had an accident? Clean underwear matters.

After a painful election loss, Hillary Clinton supporters took to the streets to engage in violent protests in the name of tolerance. One reason so many minorities and white social justice warriors loathe Donald Trump is his promise to build a wall along the Mexican border.

What these raging leftists fail to understand is that Trump is engaging in a heroic action. He is restoring America’s tighty whities.

Border security is like underwear. It is a layer of protection designed to keep people from being violated.

Election over but controversy continues

Underwear is more than a comfort garment. It works to protect our Southern border.  People who invade our borders are criminals. The fact that they should not do harm does not stop them. They see the “open border” as an invitation. This is harmful.

Trump wants to stop this harm. He is not a bigot. His entire illegal immigration mantra is about preserving the Garden of Eden on earth called America. Adam and Eve got into plenty of trouble when their underwear came off. Now America’s Southern border is naked.

Trump wants to give America a pair of reinforced, double woven tighty whities.

Illegal immigration is not the only issue where a new pair of skivvies is necessary.

Trump wants to rebuild America’s military. The military is America’s iron clad underwear.

The biggest threat to America’s sensitive areas comes from radical Islamists. Trump wants to keep them from bombing us. As the late comedian George Carlin remarked, phallus shaped rocket launchers are just a euphemism for male genitalia. What is the best way to stop rockets from going into areas they do not belong? That’s right, iron underwear.

The last form of underclothing Trump is vowing to wash clean is the liberal attempts to dirty the Second Amendment. Government cannot protect private citizens in their homes, but guns can and frequently do. Ask yourself what most guns are shaped like.

This is not coincidental.

The popular vote doesn’t matter

This is not about Hispanics, blacks, or any other ethnic group. America has been stripped bare over the last eight years, besieged by crime, terrorism, illegal immigration and diseases from Ebola to Zika.

Lady Liberty is more vulnerable than ever. She is under assault from men living in nations with bad haircuts and worse intentions.

America made a decision in 2016. We rejected Hillary Clinton and the liberal agenda. She may be a lovely grandmother, but granny panties just do not provide enough tough protection against border leaks.

Twenty-four years after Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs, America needs something stronger. We need something big enough for the grape in the Fruit of the Loom family. We need something tough enough for the elderly Hanes Inspector 12 lady.

America needs a solid pair of thick, tough underwear. Donald Trump has vowed to deliver it. With so many internal and external threats on the horizon, protection for our naked borders cannot come soon enough.

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