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Forget about LeBron James, Favre Watch 2014 is here

Written By | Jul 12, 2014

Paul Cutler/Wikimedia Commons

LOS ANGELES, July 12, 2014 — LeBron James is deserting South Beach for the Mistake by the Lake. Goodbye Miami, hello Cleveland. Yawn. Chris Bosh is staying with the Heat and Dwayne Wade will do whatever he decides to do. Double yawn.

The maneuvering is enough to make Pat Riley’s hair stand completely still. Whatever one thinks of Riley, he does have perfect hair.

To quote electronica master, Avicii, “Wake me up when it’s all over.”

When one strips away all of the chess pieces on the board, the sad truth is that none of these decisions compare to the ultimate sports drama over the last few years. Summer means it is that time of year again. Bring on Favre Watch 2014!

Yes. Favre Watch. 2014. Some people say Brett Favre is finally retired. Favre nearly retired from the Green Bay Packers back in 2002 and every year after that until he really retired in 2008. Then he came back and had one forgettable year with the New York Jets. At least he retired for good in 2009. That was until he came back and took the Minnesota Vikings to the NFC Title Game. At least in 2010 his retirement was final until he came back again for a rough 2011 season.

He may have retired again, but like Bill Murray in What About Bob?, fans look at Favre and think “Gone? He’s never gone!”

LeBron James is one of the greatest basketball player ever, but he is still in his prime. Favre was a grandfather slinging a football to players who were barely born when he began his career.

LeBron did have the social media world following him, but Favre before Facebook and Twitter had helicopters following him. Helicopters! Sports agencies had choppers following the guy. The Kremlin may have bugged the choppers to help Sports Illustrated’s Peter King get the true story.

Peter King may be the best sportswriter in history, and LeBron may be “The King,” but Favre brought the king of all circuses to town. He was a king and a court jester all rolled into one. The National Football League is the king of all sports. The only thing missing is the king of all beers, and Favre had no trouble enjoying a few of those after a long day of throwing touchdowns and getting walloped.

LeBron is a normal guy. Favre is Jeff Foxworthy after getting high on artificially flavored soda. Favre played his country boy redneck role to the hilt, and the media hung on every word. Even when they complained that it was getting tiresome, they kept feeding the headlines into their computers.

The story was simple. If the grizzled Favre saw his shadow, there was six more months of football. He still gets asked to play. In 2013, the Bears and Rams asked his agent Bus Cook if he was ready to get his bell rung a few more times. He claims to be happy sitting on his tractor in Kiln, Mississippi. He claimed that each time right before he un-retired.

Several NFL teams need serious quarterback help. Other teams are one injury away from a lost season. Favre, like Nixon, is “tanned, rested and ready.” Unlike Tricky Dick, Tricky Brett is still alive.

Now that LeBron completed his poignant sequel to “The Decision,” it is time for the media to return to the greatest reality television show in sports history.

Get the helicopters ready. Brett Favre could be having a meeting with Steve Mariucci and unnamed NFL executives at an undisclosed location to talk about undisclosed stuff.

There is still plenty of time for Favre to skip training camp and strap on a helmet just after Labor Day.

Summer is the silly season. The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest is over. Joey Chestnut won his Yellow Belt. There is nothing happening in the world of sports, except for those who consider golf, soccer and baseball to be actual sports rather than naps.

Nature abhors a vacuum. The news cycle must be fed. Get your helmets and chinstraps on. It’s time for Favre Watch 2014!

Eric Golub

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”