Ann Coulter’s misinformed World Cup tantrum


WASHINGTON, June 27, 2014 —  Ann Coulter threw an anti-soccer temper tantrum in her column this week, apparently to protest the attention being heaped on the U.S. soccer team and away from her. In it, she argued that the increased interest in soccer reflects America’s ‘moral decay”.

In her syndicated column, Coulter claims that she has held her tongue for more than a decade about her beliefs as to not offend anyone, but could no longer hold back. It seems that in her strong desire to not offend her fellow Americans, Coulter waited until the eve of the most important game for Team USA in about a decade, when America actually cared about a soccer game, to offend the most American possible with her opinion.

Coulter claims that some of the major problems with soccer are that there are no heroes or MVP’s in the sport. It has no major injury or humiliation, according to Coulter, which in her mind is required to “count” as a sport.

Basically, to Coulter, soccer is just not hard core enough.

Other news sources have already spent time trying to correct Coulter’s errors. For example, yes, there are MVP’s of every match. They are called “man of the match.” The World Cup also awards the Golden Boot to the highest goal scorer. Currently leading that race is Germany’s Thomas Mueller. It also awards the Golden Ball [insert David Beckham joke here], for the best overall player of the competition.

Others have also tried to counter Coulter’s claim that soccer games are extremely long, pointing out that every soccer match is 90 minutes long exactly. There are no commercial breaks, no time outs and no replays.

But it is Coulter’s claim that there are no heroes or tough guys in the sport which is the most off the mark and shows her complete lack of education of the sport.

It is believed that soccer developed into the modern version of the game in London’s Newgate Prison in the late 1800s by prisoners who had their hands cut off for theft. They created a sport that only used their feet.

A soccer player, Didier Drogba, ended a five year war in his country of the Ivory Coast through his sport.

First Drogba asked the warring factions to have a cease-fire, and they did. He then invited the rebellion army and the government military to both work crowd control during a national team game. It was the first time in five years that the government military went into the north without any violence.

The entire country of the Ivory Coast would strongly argue with Coulter that there are no heroes in soccer.

The love of soccer brought out amazing drive and tenacity in a group of children in a Thai village on a lake surrounded by mountains and forest. Not having enough room to play the game that they had fallen in love with on television, they set out to build a floating field on the lake.

The platform was small and slippery but they got to play. The ball fell into the water often as did the boys but they kept playing and became exceptional at footwork to control the ball.

They played in a tournament on the mainland, making it all the way to the semi-finals where they lost by one point.

Today the team is regarded as one of the best in South Asia.

Other interesting facts about soccer which proves that it is both a sport and that the players are “hard core” are:

The aerosol spray used today by many of the medical staffs is simply air freshener to lessen the intense smell of sweat and dirt so the medical staff can get close enough to players to provide medical care.

A professional soccer player runs between 3.9 and 6 miles in an average game.

Until 1908, soccer balls were made from the inflated stomach tissue of executed Irish prisoners.

One reason Coulter states that she dislikes soccer is because it is foreign. On this point at lease she is correct, as is American football, but what could be more patriotic than cheering for Team USA and hoping they come out victorious over every other country in the world?

A patriotic kicker that Coulter might like involves one of soccer’s top players, Christiano Ronaldo from Portugal. His second given name, Ronaldo, was named after the United States president at the time of his birth, who was his father’s favorite actor. How can anyone who calls themselves a Republican not love that?

Ann Coulter certainly has every right to dislike soccer, but the next time she feels a need to offend so many of her fellow Americans, she should find out a little bit more about what she is talking about.

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