The Women’s Liberation Front: Omne trium perfectum
WASHINGTON: A woman writer friend of mine over in Tennessee reminded me the other day of a basic rule in writing. That’s the “Rule of Threes”: Omne trium perfectum. Roughly translated: “Everything that comes in threes is sustaining. So, what would today’s radical feminists transform this basic rule to suit their own ends? In other words, in 2018, what is the Women’s Liberation Front take on the Rule of Threes?
- First: Women must be in control of men.
- Second: Women must be in control of their own bodies (abortion).
- Third: Women will define whatever service or services they provide however they choose, for whomever they choose, and in whatever manner they choose. Nature be damned, men be damned and, if necessary, God be damned.
Omne trium perfectum: Feminist Rule Number One
Men must be controlled.
The other day one of Stephen Colbert’s writers, Ariel Dumas glibly tweeted
“I’m just glad we ruined Brett Kavanaugh’s life.”
She later apologized and pulled the viciously anti-Kavanaugh tweet, which always happens when there is too much blowback. Had she received more support, one imagines, she probably would have plowed ahead by serially tweeting even more insightful observations.
For current members of the Women’s Liberation Front, complete control of men is absolutely necessary. Otherwise, manhood is uncontrolled, leaving half the world’s population allocated to hairy-chested baboons waging an ongoing campaign of rape and assault. This is, of course, one of many feminist paradoxes: Men are irresponsible. But they must be held responsible.
Intermission: A “Fair” Rule 1 tweet from a Georgetown University Women’s Liberation Front professor
“Fair, who teaches in the Security Studies program at Georgetown, had her account suspended after she tweeted about castrating white men’s corpses and feeding them to pigs.
“‘All of them deserve miserable deaths while feminists laugh as they take their last gasps,’ Fair wrote. ‘Bonus: we castrate their corpses and feed them to swine? Yes.’
“Fair’s Twitter account was suspended for several hours before being restored to the platform.”
More on this from Fox:
“Joel Hellman, dean of the School of Foreign Services (SFS) where Fair is a distinguished associate professor, made the statement Friday afternoon pointing to the importance of a bias-free classroom where students can learn.
“‘To prevent further disruption to her students and out of an abundance of caution for the security of our community, we have mutually agreed for Professor Fair to go on research leave effective immediately,’ Hellman wrote in a statement to the SFS community. ‘Professor Fair will accelerate previously scheduled international research travel.'”
So, Rule 1 apparently requires either the outright emasculation of men or, perhaps, the scarlet letter “G” (for guilt) pinned like boutonnieres on every man. That’s the way to control sorry male vermin.
But, what the hell? Ruining lives, lies, castration… this is indeed controlling stuff.
Omne trium perfectum: Feminist Rule Number Two
Women must be in control of their own bodies. The big problem for women wishing to fill traditional male roles – for example, in team sports or the military – is that old bugaboo, pregnancy. The U.S. Navy has experienced problems in this area ever since it launched its “anchors aweigh my boys and girls” program several years ago. As recently as 2016, records show that women leaving ships for deployment on land due to pregnancy are now occurring as much as 50 percent more frequently.
Clearly, in order to have control of their own bodies, if women could abort as if they were having a boil lanced, the Navy would be better off, and save money too. That solution simply gives the corpsmen some extra duties.
Likewise, what NFL defensive end would want to sack an opposing quarterback who is seven months pregnant? It would clearly be better if the team doctor (or trainer) put the liberated female quarterback on the training table just a couple of weeks into that inconvenient pregnancy and and terminated the little annoyance. Touchdown!
Omne trium perfectum: Feminist Rule Number Three
Serve? “We are not slaves,” say liberated women. “We aren’t going into the kitchen with or without shoes. And because of number two we won’t be pregnant either, with or without shoes. That’s why they created takeout, so women can get out when they want, go where they want, and work where they want. We will not remain barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
“Men have had all the fun of being Firemen and Policemen and Navy Seals for too long. Now we want to serve in law enforcement and receive some medals too. And be heroes, not heroines.
“If we decide to carry a pregnancy to full term, then let the men change the diapers and stroll the little tapper through the park and all the rest of that female service stuff.
“We aren’t waiting on our careers any longer, either. Man service has been fun for them for too long, while our traditional service has been boring and pointless. But we are no longer the created helpmate of man as decreed in Genesis. Now, we are liberated. We are free.
“We may have had to abort a few fetuses, babies, whatever, along the way. And we may have needed to ruin a few lives. But today, we have become liberated. And if a guilty-until-proven-innocent sacrificial lamb like Bret Kavanaugh must be tossed on the garbage heap as part of our freedom, then so be it.
“WE ARE WOMAN!”
— Headline image: Pink-hatted protesters at the Women’s March on Washington, Inauguration Day 2017.
Screen grab, YouTube video.