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Thanksgivingukkah to Obamacare – the top ten real stories of 2013

Written By | Dec 27, 2013

LOS ANGELES, December 27, 2013—The end of the year brings news of the past 12 months wrapped up in a nice little bow. This brings the top 10 real news stories of 2013.

This list is dedicated to what matters because even though some stories are given a high profile does not make them real news.

For example, the Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman conflict was never news. Two guys fought. One died, the other is a dead man walking. The media needs race wars to elevate sagging ratings, so this became news. Neither those two men, Jody Arias, or anyone else involved in celebrity trials are ever newsworthy. The Royal family is not news. Pop culture figures are nonsense, eliminating Mylie Cyrus, Kardashians, Katy Perry, and every other attention parasite.

The 2013 elections missed out because nothing from them are expected to offer correlation to 2014 and 2016. Gay marriage missed the list because passionate activists on both sides fail to grasp that many of us do not care. Like abortion, gay issues will be fought 100 years from now with zero resolution.

The rest of us are bored and want to get to and from work without every culture warrior screaming and thrusting leaflets at us.

With nonsense out of the way, here are the top 10 news stories of 2013.

10.) Thanksgivingukka—For the first time since 1888 and the last time for another 78,000 years, Hanukkah fell during Thanksgiving. Jews prepared turkey with latke (potato pancake) stuffing as children lit candles, spun dreidels, and danced the Horah.

This historical convergence showed how religious traditions can blend seamlessly with uniquely American traditions.

9.) Real winter wonderland snow football—A December snowstorm belted the East Coast, as the National Football League played great games in miserable weather. The Lions and Eagles played a blizzard instant classic. The very first cold weather Super Bowl will be played at Metlife Stadium in New York (some claim New Jersey) in February of 2014. Football is quintessentially American, and watching athletes play like street kids reminded us about the best of this game played in the worst conditions.

8.) Duck Dynasty—Normally pop culture contributes nothing to society, but the Robertson family is an exception. They are not just Louisiana rednecks with long beards. They are an American success story, having worked their way to riches by perfecting and selling duck calls.

They are funny and unabashedly pro-American. They cling to their guns and bibles, and believe in traditional values without forcing religion on others. They pray together at the dinner table. They even returned a young girl’s prom dress because it was “missing some material.”

They counter-balance Hollywood filth, mocking the “Blurred Lines” twerking fiasco by dancing and singing “Duck Blinds” at the Country Music Awards. This was all before controversy led GLAAD, A & E, and Cracker Barrel to face a backlash.

Fear the beard!

7.) Nelson Mandela dies—This would have ranked higher except that he was 95-years old, was ill for awhile, and died of natural causes. His significance to world events cannot be overstated.

His younger years can be debated, but as President of South Africa he chose reconciliation with whites rather than vengeance.

American liberal black leaders praise him while ignoring his example of racial healing.

6.) Pope Francis—Born Jorge Mario Bergoglio, this Pope seems different. A former nightclub bouncer, he got the job when his predecessor quit. He is the first Pope from the Southern Hemisphere, the first one from the Americas, the first Jesuit Pope, and the first non-European in almost 1300 years.

He has enhanced the reputation of a Catholic Church that had been sandal-plagued in recent years. This Pope is on Twitter. He carries his own bags. He asks people to pray for him. He bows down and washes feet of the poor and homeless in public.

He affirms the dignity of all people, and reminds the world to care for its weakest. He practices what he preaches.

5.) Obama scandals explode—Benghazi, IRS abuses, NSA spying, EPA abuses, and fraudulent economic numbers before the 2012 election have all reduced Obama’s promise of the most open, transparent government in history to rubble. The scandals would rank higher except nobody has been held accountable yet.

In 2014 these “phony scandals” will only grow.

4.) Syrian genocide—Bashar Assad killed 100,000 of his own people and used chemical weapons to do it. Obama declared usage of those weapons a “red line,” which meant nothing. Obama’s weakness keeps Assad the butcher in power.

Additionally, liberals are loathe to admit that Assad got his weapons from Saddam Hussein’s Iraq, and that President George W. Bush was right about WMD all along.

Obama lied, Syrians died.

3.) Sanctions on Iran lifted—Obama entered office with the chance to aid the Green Revolution. Instead Obama chose the mullahs over the Iranian people, missing a chance to spread true peace. Now Iran is building a bomb and threatening to wipe Israel off of the map. They consider America the Great Satan.

Obama’s obsession with diplomacy for genocidal lunatics is why Iran is emboldened and the rest of the world is nervous. Lifting sanctions is a foreign policy catastrophe.

2.) Boston Marathon Bombing—On April 15th, two Tsarnaev brothers from Chechnya committed a terrorist attack on America soil by setting off explosions at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Motivated by radical Islam, their Jihadist act was treated as a law enforcement matter to avoid upsetting the narrative of Obama keeping Americans safe.

Like Fort Hood, the Boston terrorist survivor was given a lawyer and invoked his right to silence. The War on Terror and radical Islam are banned phrases in Obamaworld, guaranteeing that the three people murdered will be joined by other innocent American victims in the future.

Americans from New York to Los Angeles maintained defiance and declared themselves “Boston Strong.”

1b.) Obamacare website—Despite four years to prepare, HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius could not even produce a working website. Obama spent almost one billion dollars on a failed website that top techies insist could have been made for one million.

The website served exactly six people on day one.

1a.) Obamacare law itself implodes—The website is the tip of iceberg. The Affordable Care Act itself is the Titanic. It began with unworkable assumptions, that more of anything could be given to more people while costing less.

This redistribution pyramid scheme required young people to enroll en masse to subsidize older, sicker people. Broke, unemployed young people are refusing to play along. Obama even unilaterally delayed aspects of the law without Constitutional authority to do so. Add on numerous legal challenges, and the law is preparing to suffer death from a thousand cuts. If Obama’s signature legislative achievement fails, his entire presidency will be an asterisk from an accomplishment standpoint.

Liberals now desperately claim that Republicans using the word “Obamacare” are racist. Other panic moves include billboards promoting promiscuity and binge drinking among young people, an insulting video playing on gay stereotypes, and a cringe-inducing rap video with an Obama lookalike and sound-alike.

Then came PajamaBoy, Obama’s alter ego and hero to metrosexuals everywhere.

The ACA’s downward spiral represents the failure of the most ambitious liberal big-government program in a generation. Liberalism’s credibility as a legitimate governing philosophy is on the line.

The ACA’s demise may take down liberalism itself with it for a decade or more.

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS. 


Eric Golub

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”