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The Democrat’s voter pitch: Republicans want to kill and eat you

Written By | Nov 5, 2016

DELRAY BEACH, Florida, November 5, 2016 — As Democrat Hillary Clinton and Republican Donald Trump sprint to finish, Democrats are getting desperate. The race is so tight that Hillary Clinton is consuming ten bran muffins an hour. Trump even joked at a Florida rally that he was going to “stay on message.” Then he did. Clinton, under siege from twin FBI investigations and softening polls, has resorted to a scorched earth strategy to win the election.

For those unsure what the parties stand for, fear not. In the case of Democrats, they are not sure either. They know they loathe Republicans, but little else. Therefore, a voter guide has been created detailing the party positions with relation to various minority groups.


John Podesta’s demon has risen


Black voter: Ok, give me your sales pitches.




GOP: We want to cut your taxes. We want to reduce regulations to make it easier for businesses to hire you. We want to take a hard line with criminals & terrorists to save lives. We want to give you school choice rather than force your kids into public schools that are failing.

Democrats: Republicans are pro-lynching. They want to set you on fire.

Women voter: Ok, give me your sales pitches.

GOP: We want to cut your taxes. We want to reduce regulations to make it easier for businesses to hire you. We want to take a hard line with criminals & terrorists to save lives. We want to give you school choice rather than force your kids into public schools that are failing.

Democrats: Republicans are pro-rape. They want to sexually assault you.

Hispanic voter: Ok, give me your sales pitches.

GOP: We want to cut your taxes. We want to reduce regulations to make it easier for businesses to hire you. We want to take a hard line with criminals & terrorists to save lives. We want to give you school choice rather than force your kids into public schools that are failing.

Democrats: Republicans are bigots. They want to send storm troopers into your homes & force you into slave labor.

Gay voter: Ok, give me your sales pitches.

GOP: We want to cut your taxes. We want to reduce regulations to make it easier for businesses to hire you. We want to take a hard line with criminals & terrorists to save lives. We want to give you school choice rather than force your kids into public schools that are failing.



Democrat: Republicans want to take you in an alley and beat you to death.

All voters: Ok, give me your sales pitches.

GOP: We want to cut your taxes. We want to reduce regulations to make it easier for businesses to hire you. We want to take a hard line with criminals & terrorists to save lives. We want to give you school choice rather than force your kids into public schools that are failing.

Democrats: Republicans want to kill you. They want you dead.


The candidates may be awful, but can Americans still be good?


America, after 50 years of this nonsense, is it possible based on the number of people actually killed by Republicans, that Republicans are not trying to kill you all? That maybe they really do just want lower taxes and give the states and people more freedom.

Perhaps Democrats are demagogues who have failed at everything, wrecked your healthcare, made you less safe, strangled your businesses with regulations, raised your taxes, and wasted that money on failed programs.

If I belonged to a political party that failed on every single policy, I would want to create weapons of mass distraction as well.

Republicans have no need to kill minorities. Democrats are doing a great job of that themselves. It is called inner cities, run by Democrats for the last 50 years.

Democrats have gone a long way from “hope,” “change,” and “Yes, we can” to “Republicans want to kill and eat you.”

Rest assured, voters. Republicans are pro-supply-side tax cuts, anti-terrorists, pro-freedom, pro-liberty, and anti-cannibalism.

 

Eric Golub

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”