State of the Union triumph: How one great speech turned Obama from zero to hero

State of the Union
State of the Union

SOUTH FLORIDA, January 28, 2014—After a rocky 2013, President Obama gave a State of the Union speech that quickly turned him from a zero to a hero. While the words were given in a powerful voice, the things he did not say will have a shelf life of forever. President Obama is now the greatest man in the history of history, provided he follows through with the hidden subliminal messages in his speech. 

He had Democrats standing up and cheering when he bragged about surrendering and losing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that President George W. Bush had won.

He repeated the lie about oil drilling in North Dakota, which he has actively tried to block. That drilling is on private land, beyond his regulatory reach. He did not take credit for the 60 degrees below zero temperature that he ordered to punish North Dakota for defying him. Later on he took credit for the natural gas boom that has nothing to do with him. He wants his own government to stop giving money to big oil so we could invest in more Solyndra projects.

He blamed the GOP for the government shutdown and debt ceiling fights, even though it was his executive branch that he shut down.

He spoke about “rebuilding trust” while ignoring Benghazi, IRS abuses, and other dishonorable acts resulting from his leadership.

He mentioned that “Inequality has deepened. Upward mobility has stalled.” He neglected to mention who has been in charge the last five years while these problems were exacerbated.

When Obama announced that too many Americans are not working at all, some confused liberals started applauding. It was a moment of awkwardness.

‪He insisted that Americans are tired of stale political arguments, yet  kept talking rather than cancel the speech, go home, and do real work.

He promised to slash bureaucracy and streamline the permitting process. Who does ‪BarackObama think he is, a competent executive?

He exclaimed that “The debate is settled. Climate change is a fact.” He deserves praise for being completely wrong rather than being shrill and wrong. He smiled when he advanced green nonsense.

He insisted that America must import millions of illegal immigrants and give them welfare so they vote Democrat.

He bragged about a Detroit company having 700 workers, although he could have been referring to the entire city. He did not say how many of them feared for their lives of being shot to death on the way to work in Detroit.

Obama kept talking about jobs and work without saying what he would actually do. He has never had one or done any.

He wants to guarantee every child a world class education. Is he finally closing public schools and shipping our kids to boarding schools overseas?

“When women succeed, America succeeds.” Thus saith the emasculated metrosexual beta-male pajamaboy president desperately looking at his wife to make sure she heard this meaningless statement. In the real world, when men and women succeed, America succeeds.

“Give America a raise.” If we make Obama take a $400k pay cut, we can give it to people who need it. He does not need that money. It would be easy to raise the minimum wage by slashing the pay of every non-military federal worker.

As for healthcare, America is sick. Obama is a preexisting condition. Removing him can begin the recovery in 2017.

Even the Geico gekko and Flo from Progressive spend less time on television talking about insurance than Obama.

If Obama wants to reduce gun violence, he should tell Attorney General Eric Holder to stop gunrunning. Fast and Furious was not mentioned.

When Obama announced an end to the wars, the military sat angrily stone-faced. Obama has secret service protection. The rest of us need to pray.

If Obama truly cared about reducing the use of drones, he would not have sent John Kerry to Israel.

As for closing Guantanamo Bay, Obama turned into Bill Murray from Groundhog day. Maybe he meant Green Bay. He does hate the Packers.

When Obama offered the typical sop about pretending to support Israel and how Iran were now warm furry friends desperate for Coca-Colas and Big Macs, Chuck Schumer clapped loudly. He then joined other Jewish liberals to share a drink from the Obama dog’s water dish.

Obama mentioned the Soviet Union, but they were not genocidal lunatics. The Mullahs are crazier and more wild-eyed than Debbie-Wasserman Schultz. Obama vowed to make America secure by allowing Iran to build a bomb and make America look like a combination of Hiroshima and Detroit.

Obama began turning into Whitney Houston. The audience all began waiting for Obama to exhale. This speech represented his entire existence. It was a platitude wrapped in a cliche covered in bromides with a garnish of meanderings with nonsense for dessert.

It will have a shelf life of yesterday.

It was the greatest speech Obama ever gave on that day at that moment. By Wednesday, Super Bowl Sunday hype will drown this speech out.

President Obama has four months to govern before Summer vacation is followed by election 2014 and then election 2016.

As one Facebook individual said to Obama: SOTU? How about STFU?

No. Let President Obama keep speaking. He is a hero to those suffering from insomnia. Hope, change, yes we can, forward, fairness, blah, blah, inequality, blah.

To quote Spinal Tap, the more it stays the same, the less it changes.


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  • Al Fracker

    I was especially impressed with his promise that we will have accomplished our mission in Afghanistan by the end of this year… quite interesting as I have never seen a mission statement from this Commander in Chief… and I was relieved when he said he would never put our service members into harm’s way unless absolutely necessary…so, why are we still there? Refreshing to know that the US is now in a support role with Afghans in the lead…that’s code speak for: our rules of engagement are so restrictive, servicemembers are getting killed because they cannot initiate attacks against known enemy combatants, and even though an insurgent may shoot at us, if he goes into a building with a weapon and comes out without a weapon, he is now a non-combatant, and nothing can be done until he shoots at us again…And if we let the Afghans take the lead, we’ll follow them to the drug stash, chow hall, or bed. His promise to reduce drone attacks begs the question of whether he was looking in the mirror…His authorized attacks killed how many non-combatants and planted the seeds for how many more angry terrorists? So glad that we no longer have US servicemembers in Iraq…how’s that working for us? Granted, there are 10,500 servicemembers and 5 times that many contractors in and around Kuwait at the border, and given the results in some of the Iraqi cities, we need to either turn these thousands of people loose or bring them home. Bring ’em home from Afghanistan. A land-locked country infested with tribalism, in-breeding, man-love Thursday adhering goat-poking illiterates is not worth one American life…

  • Celia1

    We now have a mess in Iraq

  • Joe Chernicoff

    Humor is a great vehicle for truth…

  • Centurian2010

    Great article…loved it! So funny but sadly so true.