Should Trump’s impeachment be a death penalty case? (Satire)
LOS ANGELES, February 8, 2021 — Impeachment is a serious process. It deserves serious answers to serious questions. If President Donald Trump is acquitted, can Democrats by majority vote abolish the 2/3 requirement for conviction and just change the verdict to guilty with a simple majority? Since Democrats are accusing Mr. Trump of crimes involving treason and sedition, should this be a death penalty case? Does that require a 2/3 vote or a simple majority in Congress?
And how do Democrats decide to execute Trump? Do they use lethal injection, firing squad, or do they fly in underutilized Palestinian suicide bombers from Gaza?
If multiple people are carrying out Trump’s execution, how do we ensure that they adhere to the spirit of diversity? (Senate declares Trump impeachment constitutional, allowing trial to proceed)
How do we ensure that at least one Impeachment Executioner is black and another one is from the LGBTQ Community?
Has an environmental feasibility study been done to make sure Trump’s execution does not leave a large carbon footprint and exacerbate climate change?
Will all 75 million Trump voters be convicted as co-conspirators? And will they be executed also? Or just banned from everything, like jobs, homes, having children, voting? Will these executions require a 2/3 majority or a simple majority? Who will carry out the mass executions? How can we ensure the diversity of those executioners?
What if it is raining or snowing? Will they reschedule the executions?
What if the executioners have a scheduling conflict due to pre-planned leftist riots of their own? Is there enough time for them to execute 75 million people and burn everything else to the ground?
What if the 75 million Trump voters do not want to be executed? Can we ask for a waiver of execution if we make a donation to a racial justice charity? How much must the donation be?
If the execution waiver is an option, do the racial justice charities take Venmo? What about Bitcoin? What about McDonald’s gift certificates? If paying by checks, what forms of ID will be accepted?
If the person donating by check is an illegal immigrant, will they need to show ID?
How do we ensure that the Impeachment Executioners are socially distancing and wearing masks?
If the executioners are not doing so, will they be executed? If so, who carries out those executions? What if those people are not social distancing or wearing masks? Who executes them? What happens if this leads to an execution shortage? How do we ensure the masks are properly recycled?
Americans deserve answers. Just be thankful this impeachment is taking place. Otherwise, Congress would be enacting their proposed policies into laws.