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Russia hacks everything except Clinton’s server

Written By | Dec 15, 2016

SOUTH FLORIDA, December 15, 2016 — The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!

The mass hysteria now gripping Democrats comes with love from Mother Russia. Hillary Clinton, according to President Obama, was the most qualified person to ever seek the White House. Supporters of George Washington may disagree, but Democrats still cannot figure out how she lost.

First it was because of the alt-right. But Democrats were forced to admit they had no idea who these people were or what that phrase even meant. Then it was the white nationalists, which may or may not be the same thing. Now it is Vladimir Putin’s fault that Clinton lost the election.

Try to follow the train of thought here as it veers off the track and over the cliff of sanity.

Democrats and media liberals are desperate to prove that Russians illegally tried to influence the 2016 presidential election. Even though there is no direct evidence, they say the absence of direct evidence is proof that we must investigate so that we can possibly find direct evidence.

Meanwhile, Democrats and media liberals were caught coordinating in an attempt to rig the election.

This may seem convoluted, but the Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds Democrat adventure is just beginning.

Democrats and media liberals claim that Russia illegally breached our election monitoring systems in an attempt to rig the election. One month before the election, they claimed this was impossible. After Clinton’s loss, it was suddenly clear that our electoral mechanisms were vulnerable to foreign manipulation and hacking.

Clinton did use an illegal private server that was unsecure. Yet Democrats and media liberals insist there is no possible way she could have compromised national security.  There is no evidence that her system was hacked. There is absolutely no way Russia could have gotten any information.

This means the Russians are brilliant enough to hack into and disrupt voting machines across America but, are simultaneously too stupid to successfully hack one unsecure server in a private basement.

We are supposed to be angry at alleged Russian interference while rejecting the notion that Clinton’s server was immune to Russian interference.

There is more.

Despite no evidence of Russian involvement, we have to take it at face value that Russia cheated on Trump’s behalf. This is because the cheating has been reported by CNN, the New York Times, Politico, and other institutions that were caught lying and cheating themselves.

Vladimir Putin loves power and control. He has been accused of having damaging information on Hillary Clinton. This would give him blackmail power over her. Therefore, a man who makes cold logical moves would help defeat a woman he could control to tip the election to Donald Trump. Democrats dislike Trump because he is a wild card nobody can control.

To get country musical, may the circle of logic be unbroken, bye and bye Lord, bye and bye.

Perhaps Wikileaks can find the John Podesta emails that instruct Democrats to blame the Russians if Clinton loses.

As the liberal media keep reminding Americans, the truth no longer matters. The notion that Clinton lost because she acted like Hillary Clinton is lost on her liberal sycophants.

Once blaming Russia becomes as boring as blaming George W. Bush, Israeli settlements, and climate change, Democrats will still have a couple more weapons of mass distraction to play. They just need to follow the advice of “South Park.”

Blame Canada.

If that fails, liberals can hold a seance, talk to Milli Vanilli, and blame it on the rain.

Milli Vanilli had their award stripped away from them when they were exposed as frauds. Democrats can relate. From their presidential candidate to their former party chair, they keep stepping in it.

If anything, this proves the Russians were not involved. The Russians would never be stupid enough to get caught.

As for Democrats, they need to drop the arrogance. They lost because they deserved to lose. Rather than getting drunk on their own power, in the future they may wish to settle for a nice bottle of vodka.

There is a country that would happily ship us their finest bottles straight from the motherland.

Eric Golub

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”