Presidential Exec. Order signed: Obama is relevant and his term successful

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WASHINGTON, March 14, 2014 — Over the strenuous objection of congressional Republicans, President Obama signed an executive order declaring himself relevant and his presidency successful. 

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid changed the filibuster rules to cut off debate and end the discussion. Everything is now fine.

Like man-made climate change and unicorns playing xylophones, Obama’s complete and total success is now settled law. The time for debate and discussion is over. He is more relevant than he has ever been, and his entire presidency has been successful. All Obama critics are in violation of the law, and will be indicted by Attorney Eric Holder faster than a Tea Party leader reading a Dinesh D’Souza book.

Common Core, a complete success in itself, will now have updated textbooks to reflect that in 2009 the rise of the oceans did recede faster than David Axelrod’s hairline.


As a citizen of the world and a Nobel Peace Prize winner, the Obama success decree is to be immediately implemented worldwide. While no global events are expected to change, the perception of those events are to be altered immediately.

Iran is no longer building a bomb. If they are, it is because Fox News is racist.

Syria’s Bashar Assad is no longer committing genocide. If he was, it would be because Jon Stewart thinks Sarah Palin is dumb.

Russian President Vladimir Putin is no longer slapping around Obama the way Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton slapped around cocktail waitresses. That is the fault of Rush Limbaugh and evil talk radio.

The economy is no longer in its sixth year of stagnation. Any lack of growth is because the evil Koch Brothers refuse to hire all 300 million Americans.

The Middle East is no longer a problem. Obama’s relevance extends to his entire cabinet. Secretary of State John Kerry is now the greatest Secretary of State 2014 has ever seen. Anybody doubting this is responsible for the war on women.

The Affordable Care Act really now is affordable and Obama cares deeply. Hillary Clinton’s “what difference at this point does it make” over four dead bodies in Benghazi now translates into her husband’s “I feel your pain.”

To avoid having to deal with thorny issues, Obama’s edict now reverses the relevant and the irrelevant. Climate change and the war on women now matter. The global economy and worldwide terrorism are small ball.

The decree extends to anybody defending Obama. Barbara Boxer and Nancy Pelosi are now intelligent. Debbie-Wasserman Schultz is now pleasant. Barbara Mikulski is a swimsuit model. John Kerry is now the most interesting man in the world, so cool he does not need a beard. Vice President Joe Biden has job functions where he does actual stuff. Lois Lerner now teaches ethics at Harvard. The Benghazi four and the Fast and Furious border guard are alive and healthy due to Obama’s spectacular results handling the tiny problems that come his way. Millennials supporting Obama have their heads above their necks and not below their backs. Jon Stewart is sincere without a hint of smugness. MSNBC and the New York Times are civilized and respectful entities run by homo sapiens who walk upright on two legs.

Although Republicans fought the order every step of the way, Obama declared the law passed by a 535-0 congressional margin and held constitutional by a 9-0 Supreme Court vote to preserve harmony and bring everybody together in binding agreement.

President Obama celebrated his newly declared success and relevance by playing 18 holes of golf. He scored a 17, one stroke better than the previous record held by the late North Korean leader Kim Jong Il.

To prevent evil Republicans from altering the history books in violation of teachers’ union standards, Obama declared all history before 2009 and after 2017 to be non-existent upon his leaving office.

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  • Jonathan Anderson

    Sounds like the recent unanimous vote for Kim Jong Un with 100% voter turnout as well. I am in awe at their popularity…

    • Lori Toupal

      Yep, even the starving and the imprisoned dragged themselves out and voted for his Imperial Godliness, Kim Jong Un!

      • walleye

        Well of course. In O’s realm, even the dead can vote.

        • 7citizen7

          And vote several times while they are at it!

    • Fhalkyn Phoenix

      Bah. Obama did better (at least in some districts.)

  • Bill Borchardt

    Way to clever and oh, so true!

  • Leftbehind

    Funny how so many people like Cockroaches . 🙁

  • mike

    I will speak against obama no matter what obama signs. It’s called freedom of speech and he cannot override that law!

    • Barbara Tucker

      Where have you been?? He does it ALL the time!

    • William Carr

      Maybe you should step back and realize, the article is bogus.

      Consider it an early April Fools joke.

  • mom58

    is this for real or a satire joke

    • Lori Toupal

      Seriously?

    • SMH*

  • Pete Roberto

    oh never mind. who gives a rats a s

    • chuckiepoo

      me, for one….i give a rat’s arse…….if you don’t, you’re not an american….i don’t care if you got instant citizenship for being born here, that’s not what being an american is……real americans are people who believe in and support the Constitution of the United States…..if you do not support and defend the Constitution of the United States, you are not an American citizen………

      • chuckiepoo

        and that kinda sorta means the current resident of the white house is not a citizen, since he does not believe in the Constitution….and has admitted that fact…..

      • William Carr

        Actually, no; the 14th Amendment is pretty clear on that.

        If you have one American parent or you were born in America, you’re American.

        See, otherwise, I could just accuse you of not supporting… oh, the 5th Amendment, say.

        And then insist you’re not an American Citizen.

  • Jim

    The artist needs to add “Mainstream media” to the pic, atop the road being so gallantly travelled…

  • Tracy Michelle Hargett

    is this a joke?

    • William Carr

      Yes and no.

      The RW nutters like to “pretend” Obama has done outrageous things, so they can get angry and rant for a while.

      It’s “technically” not a joke; but given that some of the respondents bristle and take it seriously; it’s funny anyway.

      • “pretend” ?
        Care to expand on that a little ?
        Spying on reporters, Americans in general,the worst foreign policies ever, hires Communists… and on and on.

  • Lori Toupal

    This is hilarious and terrifying at the same time….

  • frank papcin

    why would anyone expect anything different from this person?
    remember he got the peace prize just for being black.-
    ‘OBAMA the great’ is expected from him and his flunkeys in the senate
    who else would thank him?–the poor that are just as bad off?–the pot heads?–O wait–of course the ‘liberals’ that allow anything they themselves want.

  • idgafforliberals

    Funnt stuff..The sad part of all of this is… It’s absolutely believable that this could happen.. The liberals have destroyed this nation.. Its time to take it back..

    • idgafforliberals

      Funny

    • William Carr

      The “Liberals” have destroyed this nation?

      Who was President on 9/11 ?

      Which President authorized Torture ?

      Which President authorized Warrantless Wiretapping in defiance of the FISA Court?

      Which President signed the Patriot Act ?

      What President launched two Wars for oil while cutting the taxes on the Rich, plunging America into Debt?

      Who was President when the Economy Crashed in 2008 ?

      Now, for the extra credit portion of our quiz:

      Which President hunted down Osama Bin Laden and sent Seal Team Six to put a bullet in his head?

      Which President has had 46 straight months of job GAINS ?

      Which President BANNED the use of Waterboarding?

      Which President saved GM ?

      Tote up your answers, and use the following score: 1 point apiece.

      1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6; Bush.

      7, 8, 9 and 10; Obama.

      • “Who was President on 9/11 ?”

        Bush did not share half the responsibility that Clinton should accept.
        4 of the 5 years it took to plan 911 were on Clintons watch in which he got numerous warnings from Israel and Middle East allies.

        “Which President authorized Torture ?”

        Sorry, but thats just ridiculous in the face of Obamas elevated drone program and the fact we still do rendition.

        “Which President authorized Warrantless Wiretapping in defiance of the FISA Court?”

        Are you serious ?
        Are you at all aware of numerous agencies caught spying on us under Obama ?

        “Which President signed the Patriot Act ?”

        Which President bolstered and enhanced it ?

        “What President launched two Wars for oil while cutting the taxes on the Rich, plunging America into Debt?”

        OMG ! Talk about generic Liberal meme and BS talking points !
        Neither war was for oil and you have nothing to prove it.
        You cant compare Bushs 850 billion dollar bail out to the debt Obama has accrued 4 fold.
        Also, you might want to look up the CRA/Barney FrankChris Dodd before you spew such nonsense.

        “Who was President when the Economy Crashed in 2008 ?”

        And who has only made it worse since with the longest lowest unemployment rate ever, giving out more foodstamps than ever, creating more fatherless black homes ?
        What happened to the trillion dollars of “shovel ready jobs” ?

        “Which President hunted down Osama Bin Laden and sent Seal Team Six to put a bullet in his head?”

        Actually, Bush hunted him far longer and had it not been for the intel gathered in the previous 9-10 years Obama never would of caught him.
        And the Seal Team 6 members might all still be aive.

        Which President has had 46 straight months of job GAINS ?

        “Which President BANNED the use of Waterboarding?”

        The same guy whos releasing Jihadists from Gitmo to their old gangs and the same guy who calls terrorism “work place violence.
        Not to mention, there’s not one single Middle Eastern state that allies with him.
        His foreign policy is the worst since Carter.

        “Which President saved GM ?”

        None.
        The taxpayer paid for that, and we havent gotten our money back yet..

        You’re pretty new at this…arent you ?

  • AUMOM92

    It’s sad that things are so bad with this administration that people actually have to ask if this is true! I don’t fault the people who ask this, I fault those who allowed it to come to this! More than anyone I fault the media for covering up for this bunch of lying, corrupt, egomaniacal, tyrannical crooks!

    • Roy

      I agree, I refuse to watch a biased liberal news.

    • William Carr

      Isn’t it awful? What, does Obama think he was ELECTED or something?

      I mean, really. Just because 51% of the people voted for him twice in a row, where does he get off acting like he won an Election?

      You know, the real problem we have in this Country are the millions of people that flat out believe Fox News tells the truth, and the rest of the Media is engaged in a giant coverup.

  • John Ward

    Come get me ERICA I dislike him.

  • Brian Murphy

    absolute dictatorship; constitution irrelevant

  • Basil

    This seems like satire…

  • Jeff Brodhead

    What a pile of barack America has stepped into!

  • Dennis Smith

    I agree it’s time for a revolution. Let’s take back our country from liberals who are destroying it and the Traitors who are running it.. GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!!!!

    • diane7000

      Google ( American Spring!) Start planning to go to Washington on May15th to demand Obama, Holder, Reid, Pelosi, Biden and the rest of of his thugs resign and leave. We need millions there just like Egypt did to get rid of Morsi. They did and so can we!

  • Neil Firkin

    We’ve got his number…I just hope we’re all still free to vote when November the 4th rolls around.

  • sweetie

    I find it interesting, that he doesn’t follow the laws, but he can make one up for himself, taunting us with his success NOT

  • T.s. Smith

    This is why America needs you as our next President! I am ready to roll my sleeves up and get to work doing whatever I can to help you! God bless you and your family!

  • Mary95

    Thank you Mr. Gulob. The way you presented that amused me, and that’s healthy for me.

    But on the truth of the story. I was always taught that it’s not good to ‘toot your own horn’. Guess Mr. O wasn’t taught that. Also, I always thought that time and history decided how well a president had done in his terms. Guess all that has now changed. But maybe not, I think everybody is going to figure out the truth before too long, cause it will be bad for all of us, except for possibly the elite. I wonder where they will go when things go very bad. It may cause a situation where he will have to stay in office another term. But then maybe he’ll just write up another E.O. extending his presidency indefinitely. We’ll see.

  • Quest

    You paint him out to be a saint, would the truth would be treason. Are you Scared ?

  • Colin McCann

    Haven’t you heard our President right or wrong!!! Oh that’s my country right or wrong. I am so disgusted with the USA right now. If Hillary gets it , kiss America goodbye.

  • Whitaker Chambers

    In a totalitarian state, science, art, and news is whatever Obama says it is.