TALLAHASSEE, March 4, 2014 — With the world on fire and the global economy on the brink, President Obama has three years left to make matters even better. He is good at everything, as MSNBC and the New York Times keep reminding us all.
Unfortunately, even Obama’s godlike perfection cannot last forever. The Constitution provides that the Democratic Party replace an overqualified man coasting on his race with an overqualified woman coasting on her gender.
What is a current president bored with his job and the American people to do? When even going through the motions and mailing it in are too tough, what comes next for Obama?
It is never too early to look at post-presidential jobs so that Obama may hit the ground crawling in 2017.
The easy way out would be for him to go back to being a community organizer, Democratic Party fundraiser, or lightly regarded college professor. Barack Obama never takes the easy way out, with the exception of anything involving responsibilities. So while we can praise his mere being, it is time to see what he actually has the skills to do.
He could become a member of the media. MSNBC and the New York Times are entities already set up to worship everything Obama says and does simply because he says and does it. He would fit in perfectly. Nobody self-praises like Obama, and these are the closest thing to no-show jobs outside of Chicago.
He could become a first-time author and work on his memoirs. His name is listed as the author of two books, but Bill Ayers claimed to have written one of them. This time Obama could actually write a book.
He could continue on as a government employee. The Constitution prevents him from being President of the United States again, but every other position is permitted. He could become president of another country. Maybe if he leads a nation hostile to America, he could be so effective leading that other nation that America might finally reap some unintended benefits.
If he insists on staying in America, he could become the next Chicago Mayor. Rahm Emanuel may not want to leave that job, since it does have absolute power. Obama has predator drones and Emanuel does not, making replacement easy enough. Besides, Chicago has had white mayors for far too long. It is about time that Chicago corruption and graft be apportioned to leftists of all races.
The problem with that job is that the Chicago Mayor has to actually do the work. Also, the climate is miserable. If Obama prefers a warmer climate, he should become the ambassador to Hawaii. Right now this job does not exist. However, Obama is a master at issuing executive orders. Hawaii was given statehood, and that can be changed back. If Hawaii remains in the union, Obama can just appoint himself anyway. At least he has lived in Hawaii and is an expert in the lax culture and lifestyle. Obama would be far more qualified than his appointed ambassadors to other areas.
Obama could be a political operative behind the scenes as he becomes Michele Obama’s campaign manager. She never has to actually run for office, making this the perfect job to build a slush fund.
Obama loves talking about himself and having people gaze at him in admiration. He could work at the Obama Museum. As an Obama wax statue stunt double, he could sit for hours doing nothing. As the Obama Museum Curator, he could spend all day telling people about all things Obama.
Obama could retire in 2017 from being a celebrity president and spend the rest of his life continuing to be famous just for being famous. He could be a celebrity golfer, television cameo guy, product endorser, or reality television star. He has more experience hawking insurance than the Geico Gekko, and he could selectively edit out any mistakes in his appearances without requiring the rest of the media to do it for him.
Obama’s future is so bright, he has to wear shades. He is too cool for school. Despite the world he has wrecked, he will have endless opportunities that will allow him to rest comfortably while the rest of us suffer. Nothing will change from his current status, making for a smooth transition.