Odd coincidences between Hillary Clinton and D.B. Cooper (Satire)

The FBI has dropped its hunt for D.B. Cooper at the same time it dropped its investigation into Hillary's emails. Where was Hillary on November 24, 1971?

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton next to wanted poster for hijacker D. B. Cooper.

WASHINGTON, July 13, 2016 — Forty-five years after D.B. Cooper claimed to have smuggled a bomb aboard a jetliner, demanded a ransom, and jumped out of the plane with a bag of cash and a parachute, the FBI has dropped him as a person of interest.  On November 24, 1971, the man who became known as D.B. Cooper hijacked Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305 from Portland, Oregon, to Seattle.

He demanded a $200,000 ($1,188,567.83 adjusted by inflation) ransom for the plane and the lives aboard, then parachuted over a lush, green forest.  He was never found and never identified.

“Unfortunately, none of the well-meaning tips or applications of new investigative technology have yielded the necessary proof” to identify a suspect, said FBI spokesperson Ayn Dietrich-Williams in a press statement Monday.

Williams said the FBI “exhaustively reviewed all credible leads” but will end what she called “one of the longest and most exhaustive investigations in our history.”

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With so little known about the culprit more than four decades after the crime, who’s to say it was a man?

What if D.B. Cooper were a woman?

Is it mere coincidence that the end of the D.B. Cooper investigation follows so closely behind FBI Director James Comey’s claim that his G-men could not “find a case that would support bringing criminal charges” against Hillary Clinton for her illegal mishandling of government secrets?

Where was “crooked” Hillary Clinton on Nov. 24, 1971?

She claims she was studying law at Yale University. Coincidentally, 1971 was the very year she and Bill Clinton first dated.

Bill and Hillary during their college days.
Bill and Hillary during their college days

In her book “Living History,” Clinton recalls how the young college couple wanted to see a Mark Rothko exhibit at the Yale Art Gallery but found it closed due to a labor dispute.

“As Bill and I walked by,” Hillary recalls, “he decided he could get us in if we offered to pick up the litter that had accumulated in the gallery’s courtyard. Watching him talk our way in was the first time I saw his persuasiveness in action. We had the entire museum to ourselves.”

Husband and wife authors Ron and Pat Forman claim that D.B. Cooper was a close personal friend of an experienced pilot and parachutist going by the name Barbara Dayton.

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In their book “The Legend of D.B. Cooper,” they recall the time the woman they called “Barb” became agitated while watching the evening news. A reporter quoted an FBI source who described Cooper as a “fool” because there was “no way a parachutist could survive a jump into a wooded area like that at night … a hunter or hiker will find the skeleton of the hijacker.”

“The FBI doesn’t know what they’re talking about,” an angry Barb supposedly said. “D.B. Cooper wasn’t a fool.”

According to the Forman duo, Barb related details of the hijacking and the parachute jump “with the authority of someone who had been there.”

Confronted by the stunned silence of her hosts, Barb eventually confessed, adding, “You can’t tell anyone about this. I get claustrophobic and couldn’t survive in prison.”

Doesn’t that sound a lot like something Hillary would say?

And if you place the photos of Barb and Hill side by side, you must admit they could be sisters.

Barbara Dayton (left) and Hillary Clinton.
Barbara Dayton (left) and Hillary Clinton

Back in 2014, Hillary told ABC’s Diane Sawyer, “We came out of the White House not only dead broke, but in debt. We had no money … and we struggled to piece together the resources for mortgages for houses, for Chelsea’s education. It was not easy.”

In 1980, 8-year-old Brian Ingram discovered rotting stacks of $20 bills along the banks of the Columbia River – near Vancouver, Wash.. The FBI confirmed the tattered Andy Jacksons were part of the $200,000 ransom given D.B. Cooper in 1971.

If Bill Clinton was impoverished upon leaving the White House, can he thank butterfingers Hillary—a.k.a. Barb, a.k.a. D.B. Cooper?

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