Obama “Friends” Ayatollah Khamenei and Raul Castro

President Obama, Raul Castor and Ayatollah Khamenei make strange virtual bedfellows - everywhere but WhiteHouse.gov


WASHINGTON, April 13, 2015  – There seems to be a lot going on in the world these days. A lot of it is simply ridiculous.

Much of the insanity has to do with the Obama administration’s negotiating with state sponsors of terrorism. Let’s recap a couple of the latest, ahem, highlights.

It was recently announced that Iran and the P5 + 1 countries reached an agreement on a framework for Iran’s nuclear program.

Read Also:  Tower of Babel Scrabble: The Iran nuke deal

First, exactly who are the P5 countries? They are the five permanent members of the United Nations Security Council, namely the United States, Russia, United Kingdom, France and China.

And the +1 country?

Well, that would be Germany. Since that whole Nazi thing, they’re still not allowed to sit at the grownups’ table.

The negotiations extended beyond the original deadline by a couple of days, but both sides did agree on a framework of a deal. Sort of. Maybe. Basically, they agreed to work out details later.

Or, to quote Otter from the movie Animal House, “We’re engaged to be engaged.”

The Obama administration was so excited to announce the framework agreement that it rushed out a fact sheet to highlight the main points. Equally excited, Iran had a fact sheet of its own. Not surprisingly, the dueling fact sheets were nothing alike.

One had to wonder if the two sides had actually talked to each other.

It is possible that during negotiations Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif was playing online video poker while Secretary of State John Kerry was filling out preferences on eHarmony.

Read Also:  John Kerry’s Iran deal: Meaningful framework, or déjà voodoo?

Here are a few examples of where there seems to be a difference of opinion between the two sides over what was agreed to:

United States Fact Sheet Item #1: Economic sanctions will be lifted if Iran verifiably abides by its commitments.” In other words, Iran must meet conditions before sanctions relief would start.

Iran Fact Sheet Item #1: We don’t actually need to go to the fact sheet here. All we need to do is listen to what Ayatollah Khamenei has said. Contradicting what the Obama administration has asserted, when speaking about when sanctions would be lifted, Khamenei said in effect, “What time is it now?”

It’s important to remember that the Ayatollah Khamenei is Iran’s supreme leader, kind of like Al Sharpton is in the United States.

United States Fact Sheet Item #2: As far as Iran’s centrifuges go, it can’t use any for 10 years and can only do some limited research until then.

Iran Fact Sheet Item #2: We’ll be cranking up centrifuges like IHOP cranks out pancakes. And over the next 10 years, we’ll be doing more research than Stephen Hawking.

United States Fact Sheet Item #3: Iran has agreed not to enrich uranium for at least 15 years.

Iran Fact Sheet Item #3: LOL!

United States Fact Sheet Item #4: Iran’s heavy water reactor will be rebuilt, or something.

Iran Fact Sheet #4:  Heavy water, light water, water is water to us. Some of it we drink, some of it we dump into nuclear reactors. In order to have enough for our nuclear program, Iranians will be consuming less water themselves. Tough!

The United States says tomato, Iran says asparagus. This isn’t an agreed upon framework, it’s a Monty Python sketch – the Argument Clinic!

Read Also:  Obama and Iran: Wishful thinking in the face of unspeakable evil

About the agreed upon framework that, as we have seen, is anything but agreed upon, U.S. Energy Secretary Ernest Moniz said, “Hopefully they will comply for a long time.”

Allow me to suggest that is a bit like a Chicago Cubs fan, following the team’s 1908 World Series win, saying, “Hopefully, they will keep winning the World Series for a long time.”

Cubs fans are still waiting for that next one, just like the rest of the world will be waiting for Iran to comply with any agreed deal.

Earnest Moneiz sits in with the Moody Blues (not really!)
Earnest Moniz sits in with the Moody Blues (not really!)

And about Ernest Moniz, he may be a real smart guy, but it’s a little hard to take seriously someone who looks like a refugee from a Moody Blues tribute band. If he starts singing “Knights in White Satin,” we can be certain the Iranians have won.

And while the debate over what is or isn’t in the negotiated Iranian framework goes on, Obama held a formal meeting with Cuban dictator Raul Castro in Panama. For those keeping score, Raul Castro, Fidel’s brother, only joined the family business because he couldn’t find a job in Cuba. That shouldn’t surprise anyone since no one can find a job in Cuba.

Obama wants to normalize relations with Cuba, but not because Cuba has changed at all in the last 55 years. Rather, Obama figures if he’ll negotiate with Iran, a state sponsor of terrorism, why not Cuba too – also a state sponsor of terrorism.

Besides, then they could be Facebook friends!

Castro sees Obama’s negotiating skills with Iran and senses a great opening. “Surely,” Castro thinks, “if Obama can negotiate a deal with the Iranians that lets them get nukes, I ought to be able to get some missiles. This could work out so much better than 1962. Obama might just give me some. Would save a bundle on shipping costs!”

Only in Obama’s White House does any of this make sense.

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Curtice Mang
Curtice Mang earned a Political Science degree after attending college during the depths of the Carter Administration, a time where the only thing worse than the Carter malaise was Disco. He is the author of two books of political humor, The Smell of Politics: The Good, The Bad, and The Odorous and The Constitution – I’m Not Kidding and Other Tales of Liberal Folly. He has worked in the insurance industry for over 30 years and is also a high school basketball coach. In addition to CommDigiNews, Curtice contributes to multiple conservative websites, including Broadside News, Front Lines and What Would the Founders Think. He can be found at www.mangwrites.com, where his books are also available for purchase for a song (and the cover price). Contact Curtice at mangwrites@cox.net or follow him on Twitter @curticemang. He can also be found wandering about on Facebook and Google+. His views are his own - mostly because no one else would claim them.