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John Boehner exits shedding the tears of a retiring clown

Written By | Sep 25, 2015

WASHINGTON, Sept. 25, 2015 — It was more than a little odd watching Republican House Speaker John Boehner reduced to an overwrought, sobbing hot mess during Pope Francis’ visit to Capitol Hill.

It turns out that Boehner’s trail of tears, which stretched from the House dais to the Speaker’s Balcony, had more to do with his own personal Golgotha than a swelling pride at giving the pope a VIP tour of America’s Sodom on the Potomac.

“Mr. Boehner wept openly as the pope addressed an audience gathered on the West Lawn of the Capitol on Thursday,” said the New York Times. “He no doubt understood that it was his last grand ceremony as speaker and, indeed, a capstone to his long political career.”

The Times then placed upon his head a crowning victory laurel: “For decades, Mr. Boehner legislated as a stalwart Republican institutionalist.”

Translation: President Obama, the crony-capitalists of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the pork-consuming constituents of Ohio’s 8th Congressional District and Nancy Pelosi’s House Democrats will miss the “institutionalist” so instrumental to the federal funding of everything from Obamacare to Planned Parenthood to the president’s executive amnesty.

Friday, John Boehner announced he will resign the speakership and his House seat this October.

From this day forward, conservative and tea party Republicans will remember Sept. 25, 2015 as “Good Friday.”

At the opposite end of the Capitol, Sen. John McCain, no doubt shaking and on the verge of tears, told the Times,

“Basically, he [Boehner] has been unseated. And that’s not good for the Republican Party … We’ve got to unite and recognize who the adversary is.”

The slow-witted McCain fails to realize that the menacing enemies to a growing number of savvy Republican voters is the go-along-to-get-along, empty-headed, big-government enablers of the GOP’s moderate wing.

In an op-ed written for POLITICO, tea party Sen. and Republican candidate for president Ted Cruz, wrote,

“If [the Republican] leadership is correct that we can never win against the president, why did it matter to win a Republican House? A Republican Senate? If Republican majorities in Congress will acquiesce to and affirmatively fund the identical Big Government priorities that Obama supports, then what difference does it make who is in charge of Congress?”

That is why the Boehner-like Jeb Bush lags behind outsider GOP presidential hopefuls like real estate tycoon Donald Trump, cardiologist Dr. Ben Carson, and former corporate CEO Carly Fiorina.

“I think it’s time,” said Trump on hearing of Boehner’s impending resignation while at the Values Voters Summit in Washington. “It’s time … it’s probably time for the [Republican] party, it’s time for everybody.”

Pam Anderson, who is attending the Washington values summit, told the Associated Press that, if GOP Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell “wants to do what’s right for this country, he’ll step down, too.”

Don’t let the big bronze doors of the House chamber hit you on the way out, Johnny.

Steven M. Lopez

Originally from Los Angeles, Steven M. Lopez has been in the news business for more than thirty years. He made his way around the country: Arizona, the Bay Area and now resides in South Florida.