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Joe Biden’s brain: the missing hamster in the wheel

Written By | Aug 24, 2019
New York Times, Biden's Brain, 2020 Election

WASHINGTON. The gaff-prone Democratic candidate for president, former Vice President Joe Biden, is doing just fine where his brain is concerned, according to his surgeon. As you may recall, Biden had two – that’s right, two – surgeries for brain aneurysms in the late 1980s.

The fading of the light

Biden's Brain, Gaffes, 2020 Election, New YOrk Times

Satirical image of Joe Biden by the columnist.

In her forthcoming book, “Where the Light Enters,” wife Jill Biden writes that her husband’s brain surgeon explained that Joe had a 50-50 chance of surviving the operation.

If he did,

Biden's Brain, New York Times, Jill Biden“… it was even more likely that Joe would have permanent brain damage if he survived. And if any part of his brain would be adversely affected, it would be the area that governed speech.”
Down the memory hole

This, of course, has caused many to wonder if the rigors of the campaign trail have taxed the mental wherewithal of the 76-year-old Biden. Like the time he insisted he was still vice president during the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in February of 2018.

He wasn’t.

Or that Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy were assassinated in the 1970s.

They weren’t.

Those who know him best say Biden’s obliviousness should not be misconstrued as mere pandering to chronically ignorant millennials.

Joe Biden’s Achilles Heel: Age, gaffes and Foreign Policy
Just what the doctor ordered
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Dr. Neal Kassell. Photo: Focused Ultrasound Foundation screen capture.

Dr. Neal Kassell, Biden’s brain surgeon, assured the nation that the 76-year-old Democratic frontrunner is “as sharp as he was 31 years ago.” He added that he will vote “for the candidate who I am absolutely certain has a brain that is functioning.”  (Joe Biden’s brain surgeon is defending Joe Biden’s brain)

Dr. Kassell failed to say just who that candidate is.

Joe’s friend Barack

At a recent town hall meeting in Hanover, New Hampshire, Biden mused aloud about an alternative timeline to American history.

“Imagine what would have happened if, God forbid, Barack Obama had been assassinated after becoming the de facto nominee. What would have happened in America?”
Biden's Brain, Media, 2020 Election, Barack Obama, Obama

President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden in the Oval Office in 2015. Photo: The White House.

The audience simply scratched their heads at Biden’s analogy to nowhere. Others concluded it was the addled septuagenarian’s way of backhanding the former Democratic president for refusing to endorse his loyal second banana’s White House bid.

Stuck with Joe

But at a time when the mainstream media, led by the New York Times, is about to embark on a national campaign to denounce America as a racist nation, existing under a racist flag and led by a racist Republican president, it must reconcile this endeavor with statements made by the candidate its editorial board will surely endorse for president should he win the Democratic nomination.

Joe Biden’s Achilles Heel: Age, gaffes and Foreign Policy

It was Biden who in 2007 described Barack Obama as

“… the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

According to the New York Times,

“Mr. Biden has a long history of verbal flubs and gaffes, so much so that he is comfortable making light of these self-inflicted errors. But he is also a proud man who has often talked about his own brand of speaking plainly and off-the-cuff. In recent weeks, he has expressed frustration to allies that his candidacy will suffer if he is judged too harshly on the slip-ups, which he thinks he can do little to correct so long as he is being true to himself.”

And there you have it. Sending an endless stream of inanities out to the universe is Sleepy Joe’s way of keeping it real.

New York Times, Media, Biden's Brain

New York Times building – Image captured by Jacquie Kubin for CommDigiNews

And this puts the mainstream media – the New York Times in particular – in the unenviable position of having to sell Biden’s brand of folksy senility as the balm sorely needed to heal a toxically racist America.

In 2020, President Donald Trump may drive his re-election wagon into the White House, pulled by the mindless draft animal that is Biden’s blighted brain.


Top Images: Still from the scifi film “The Brain that Wouldn’t Die.” Insert of Joe Biden’s face. 

Steven M. Lopez

Originally from Los Angeles, Steven M. Lopez has been in the news business for more than thirty years. He made his way around the country: Arizona, the Bay Area and now resides in South Florida.