GIVAT SHMUEL, Israel January 20, 2015 — For Israel, the fallout after the Palestinian Authority joined the International Criminal Court this month continues to unfold.
According to numerous sources, the ICC, at the behest of Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas and various Hezbollah factions in Lebanon, will put the young lady representing the Jewish State in the 2015 Miss Universe Pageant on trial for the violent bombing of a Lebanese citizen.
The bombing in question occurred on January 11, when Miss Israel, Doron Matalon, allegedly photobombed a picture of Miss Lebanon, Saly Greige.
As Griege wrote on Facebook, “I was having a photo with Miss Japan, Miss Slovenia and myself, suddenly Miss Israel jumped in, took a selfie, and put it on her social media.”
According to Palestinian Ambassador Riyad Mansour, “This gutless photobombing shows the insane hypocrisy of the Zionists, who complain to the world that Hamas and Hezbollah bomb them all the time, while they go around bombing too,” Bensouda continued, “photobombing is just as serious as bombing of a Scud and Patriot Missile nature.”
In order to substantiate this claim, the ICC plans to call Meagan Brown, an 11th grader at Buckley Prep School in Marin County, California, to testify as to the seriousness of unwanted photobombing. “I am just gonna tell them how totally uncool it is to photobomb,” Brown told the Marin County Register. “Like, if we wanted you in our picture, we probably would have accepted your friend request ages ago. Take a hint loser.”
“This gutless photobombing shows the insane hypocrisy of the Zionists, who complain to the world that Hamas and Hezbollah bomb them all the time, while they go around bombing too!”
Asked if she could suggest a proper punishment if the ICC chose to convict Miss Israel, Brown said she didn’t really pay attention in her Civics class but she knows that if someone tried to do that to her she would, “bully them until they developed an eating disorder,” and suggested the ICC do the same.
The Palestinian Authority has also allegedly been on the phone all week with French President François Hollande in efforts to get him to file another complaint against an Israeli, making this a class-action suit. Hollande has been mulling a petition to the ICC to ask for help punishing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for allegedly pushing his way into the front row of the Paris Unity March last week.
“Israeli pushiness is a disease that is plaguing the world,” Mahmoud Abbas said at a press conference on Monday. “First Bibi, then Miss Israel, what’s next?! I fully expect Bar Refaeli to shove her way onto the cover of the next Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition no matter who SI chooses to actually feature there, and I have warned the proper authorities of this threat.”
“You would never see a Muslim pushing himself to the front of anything,” Abbas added, despite assertions by reporters that airplane hijackers almost always push themselves to the cockpit before doing anything else. “The cockpit is not officially the front of the plane, the nose of the plane is, so stop playing your Zionist mind games,” Abbas at one point retorted.
At the State Department, John Kerry roundly condemned Miss Matalon for her “aggressive action, which, along with settlement building, has once again put the peace process in jeopardy.” In response, he has scheduled 14 more trips to the region over the next 30 days.
On his MSNBC talk show on Tuesday, Reverend Al Sharpton responded to an email he was sent asking if he saw the irony of the world condoning the exclusion of a person in a picture due simply to their country of origin so close to Martin Luther King Jr. Day by sending it to his “spam” folder.
Perhaps the harshest words, however, came from the victim herself, Saly Greige aka Miss Lebanon. While simply accusing Matalon of photobombing her in English, in an interview with Lebanese State Television on Tuesday, Greige said in Arabic that, “Zionist aggression has reared its ugly head yet again. Someone should teach this Israeli infidel a lesson and strangle her during the pageant with her sash for the entire world to see. The aisles of the convention center should run red with the blood of this evil Israeli woman.”
Following a commercial break, when asked by an interviewer how she planned to answer the famous pageant question, “what would you wish for if you had one wish,” Miss Lebanon instantly answered, “obviously I wish for world peace.”