How Democrats can win big in 2014


MINNEAPOLIS, October 14, 2014 — Democrats are headed for an electoral bloodbath in the 2014 elections. President Obama is an albatross around the necks of every Democrat not living on the coasts. The world is bursting into flames and the economy is mired in malaise six years after the recession officially ended. Despite all of this, Democrats can win in 2014. In fact, they can win big. It will not be easy, but the 2012 playbook provides the ultimate guide to success in 2014.

Emphasize Ferguson, Missouri — A white police officer shot and killed a black teenager. Forget the facts of the case. St. Louis is burning, and the right amount of gasoline could turn this fire into a raging conflagration. Call Republicans racists and remind voters that if the GOP is elected, black churches will burn. Show images of James Byrd being lynched.

Link Matthew Shepherd to Gay Marriage — The fact that Matthew Shepherd was killed over a drug deal gone bad means nothing. Gay marriage is the in thing right now. If Democrats win, gays will get married. If the GOP wins, gays will be beaten to death like Shepherd was. Make sure to link Christian evangelicals to every bigotry known to mankind. Wage war on their bible.

Abortion all the time — Everything in life with liberal women comes down to abortion. Link every aspect of the mythical war on women to abortion. If Sandra Fluke cannot get free birth control, it is because Republicans want to send women into back alleys with coat hangers. Show the images of women dying. This works. Senator Barbara Boxer has a nearly 40-year career of doing nothing. She wins because she plays the abortion card.

Republicans caused the Ebola crisis — This dangerous disease is spreading because of Republican budget cuts. If people declare this a lie, just use the tried and true words that keep putting Republicans on the defensive. As New York Democrat Chuck Schumer said, refer to everything a Republican says or does as “extremist,” “means-spirited” and “draconian.” If Republicans mention that President Obama signed the budget cuts into law, mention that the GOP had a gun to his head. Most importantly, remind voters that Republicans want Ebola to spread in West Africa so that black people die. Show images of dying Africans and remind voters which party wants them dead.

Support the Keystone Pipeline — Come out in favor the Keystone Pipeline immediately. Once the election is over, return to silence as Obama blocks it. You cannot make the president do anything but a meaningless show of support with zero legislative substance behind it is just campaigning.

Get illegal aliens registered to vote now — The Obama goal was to flood the country with as many illegal aliens as possible as quickly as possible. Ply them with government services so that they become hooked and become lifelong dependent Democrat voters. While there is plenty of time to get them ready to vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016, getting them to vote in less than one month will require much more aggressive measures. Make sure to emphasize that anybody who supports voter identification cards is an anti-Hispanic bigot.

Black Panthers at polling stations — Increasing illegal voter turnout is not enough. Suppressing legal votes, particularly from white Republicans, is essential. In past recent elections, members of the New Black Panther movement used baseball bats and billy clubs to intimidate white voters from casting their ballots. Make sure that the New Black Panthers are more prevalent this time. There will be no consequences for doing this since Attorney General Eric Holder supports this policy. If any white Republicans object, bring up Selma, Alabama and again, call them racists.

If all of the above strategies do not get Democrats over the hump, there is one last desperate measure that will almost guarantee victory.

Pretend to be Republicans — Pretend to support gun rights, oil, and coal. Pretend to support lower taxes. Vow to reduce regulations and the national debt. Avoid being seen with anybody who represents true liberal beliefs. Keep the environmentalists at bay until after the elections. The ends justify the means. In a center-right nation, liberals need to commit a few hundred white lies for the greater good of advancing the overall progressive agenda.

The strategies outlined here are corrosive to the nation. Spreading false accusations about racism, sexism, and other forms of bigotry pits people against each other and rips the nation apart. This is irrelevant. The goal is not harmony. Winning elections is about raw, naked power. It is perfectly acceptable to lie, cheat and steal because the overall liberal agenda is righteous and noble. Exploit the anxiety and fear many Americans feel and ride those emotions to an election victory. These strategies worked in 2012 and will keep working because Republicans cower under accusations of bigotry rather than fight back.

After the political has been scorched and Democrats have won, issue platitudes about how all Americans must now come together.


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  • Katness Everdean

    There’s no real difference between today’s liberals and their socialist ancestors.