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Happy Birthday Barack Obama: A life of self reverence where everyday is “his” day

Written By | Aug 4, 2014

LOS ANGELES, August 4, 2014 — 53 years ago this day, Barack Obama was born in Hawaii. For the first 43 years, he coasted through life, a drifter who accomplished little but did not harm others either.

A tall man with an inoffensive style, Obama charmed people while floating from place to place. He was raised overseas, returning to an American city named Chicago. The Windy City was filled with politically liberal individuals known for treating anybody with foreign experiences as sophisticated.

He would head the Harvard Law Review, a popularity contest elected position where scholarship takes a back seat to campaigning among fellow students.

He did some community organizing, which involves taking to the streets with fellow protesters and disrupting businesses by yelling, “no justice, no peace!”

At none of his “jobs” was his work ever considered consequential. He was a lightly regarded adjunct professor derided by his fellow professors and his students.

He drank heavily, smoked marijuana, dabbled in cocaine, and believed everything his leftist professors told him. His formative years saw him surrounded by people who theorized about things but did not actually do them.

Due to these experiences, Barack Obama became a Millennial before the Millennial actually existed.

Obama’s rise corresponded directly with the social media revolution.

In 2004, the blogosphere began. This allowed politicians to campaign for office without millions of dollars. Obama lucked out when his first opponent for the United States Senate got caught up in a sex scandal involving orgies. His next opponent was a fire-and-brimstone preacher imported from another state to be a sacrificial lamb. After becoming Senator Obama, he gave a speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention. A star was born. He had done nothing, but he sounded good saying stuff.

In 2007, MySpace was born. By 2008, Facebook was all the rage. Young people went online, telling and showing the world every detail about their mundane lives. Obama’s technology geeks harvested this data.

The man with the light resume now had millions of followers who had done even less. These young college kids chanted “Yes, we can” without ever being forced to tell people what that meant. When Obama was elected President, those same children chanted “Yes, we did” despite having still done nothing.

During his presidency, Twitter and Instagram took hold. Twitter led to people expressing every thought in acronym form rather than complete sentences. Combined with texting, young people replaced serious thought with “LOL.” Instagram meant people taking pictures of themselves doing exciting things like walking, talking, shopping, and watching other people walking, talking and shopping.

The young people became Obama’s biggest cheerleader, but Obama never acted like a man interested in molding their minds. He liked being “cool,” so he acted the way he thought cool people acted. Policy disputes with Republicans were met with President Obama constantly resorting to school playground rankout contests. Several Millennial phrases that should never be uttered somehow spread like Ebola.

“You mad, bro?”

“You are so fail.”

“Why you hatin’?”

It is one thing when teenagers subjected to failed public schools speak and act like imbeciles. It is quite another when the President of the United States emulates them. The man who took a “selfie” at Nelson Mandela’s funeral consistently speaks in a manner far beneath the dignity of his office. His young staffers reflect their boss. When questioned about four Americans who were murdered by Islamist terrorists in Benghazi, an Obama analyst told a newscaster, “Dude, that was like two years ago.”

Over the last few years, Obama has spent more time taunting political opponents than actually governing. The last few days have seen him accuse Republicans of being “mad,” “haters,” and obsessed with his impeachment. The main people mentioning impeachment are him and his supporters in a desperate attempt to bait Republicans into a losing political strategy. He told Republicans to stop being “sanctimonious” when his entire presidency is sanctimony. He told others to act with humility even though he repeatedly boasts about “successes” that are magnified while blaming others for failures that he minimizes.

His worst quality is his repeated accusations of malice against anybody who disagrees with him. He finds a racial angle even when none should exist.

There is no such thing as a typical black or white person. When Obama called his grandmother a typical white person, it was offensive. When Obama speaks in “ghetto language” to try and ridicule his political opponents, it is also offensive. He is not “acting black.” He is acting like a middle class white kid stereotyping what they think black kids sound like. That is even more offensive. Ask black people what they think of white kids who act this way. They think these kids are idiots and wannabes, and they are right.

Barack Obama is a metrosexual. He knows this. So deep down he tries to act how he thinks “cool” people act. Rather than trying to become some poll tested stereotype, he should just become a decent human being. He should treat others with respect and stop acting like a spoiled brat. He should stop trying to “be down” and instead grow up.

Instead he chose to use his most recent press conference to chide his mostly adoring media for not wishing him a happy birthday. With every issue dogging his presidency, he wanted reporters to focus on his very being.

At some point it is fair to ask a simple question.

When is it not Barack Obama’s birthday? A birthday is a celebration where a person is king for a day. The birthday celebrant receives tributes not for doing anything, but for merely being born. When in the last 53 years has Barack Obama not sought this adulation? When in the last ten years has he not spent time campaigning to receive it?

When since January 20th of 2009 has he focused on anything other than himself?

His catchphrase “I inherited a mess” is one of many statements where the beginning and end comes down to “I.”

His repeated protests that “this is not about me” is laughable. It has always been about him, and only him. His pollsters spend every waking minute worrying how deaths across the globe and a stagnant economy at home could hurt a man who flies on Air Force One in a job where all of his expenses are paid.

So no, it is not necessary to spend August 4th focusing on Barack Obama’s birthday. When every minute of every day in a life of self-reverence is the birthday, the actual day itself gets rendered meaningless.


Eric Golub

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”