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Halloween Hillary is scared of everyone and everything

Written By | Nov 2, 2015

LOS ANGELES, November 2, 2015 — As most Americans were celebrating Halloween, Hillary Clinton remained in hiding.

Forget the Halloween jokes about Americans being scared of her. What is not funny is that she is scared of us.

To scare Mrs. Clinton on Halloween, all we had to do was dress up as likely voters asking questions. Clinton may have been dressed as an expensive electronic device for Halloween, because she comes in multiple layers of carefully packaged bubble wrap.

She is desperate to have the job of president and equally determined to avoid anything remotely resembling a job interview.

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Conservatives have always known that Hillary was not Bill. She was never that talented, never that likable and never that special. On the stump she is rigid, boring, bland and insincere. Her accent changes depending on her audience.

The idea of a woman president excites many women, but deep down even many liberals are asking themselves, “Is this the best we can do?”

Hillary knows she is deeply flawed, so she is determined to avoid people for as long as possible to avoid any more unforced errors. She has every right to do this, but the Democratic National Committee is determined to help her. The DNC is supposed to be a neutral arbiter. Instead, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, the DNC chair, has placed her entire fist on the scale. The latest example is the upcoming Democratic debate.

On Friday, Democrats will actually participate in a debate. It will take place on MSNBC, a pseudo-network that few people watch. The main moderator is Rachel Maddow, who is sure to ask the candidates why Republicans and the Koch brothers are evil. This debate will not be confused with anything resembling real journalism.

Holding the debate on a Friday night ensures that many people will not be able to watch even if they want to. Devout Muslims will be in their mosques. Religious Jews will be in their synagogues. Judaism forbids the use of electricity on the Sabbath. Jews make up a large bloc of the Democratic electorate. Holding this debate on a Friday night excludes them. Wasserman-Schultz is Jewish. She knew what she was doing when she scheduled this debate.

Hillary’s defenders will say that she is totally willing to fight. After all, she survived 11 hours of grueling testimony before the Benghazi Committee. This assertion is laughable. Half of her time was spent smiling while Democrats on the committee defended her and attacked committee Republicans.

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Hillary does well in tightly scripted settings. People attending her events are carefully screened. She stumbles on the rare occasion an ordinary voter asks her a question she is not prepared for. All the attorneys in the world with their expensive retainers cannot save the over-prepared Hillary from unexpected events. She gets angry, defensive and defiant when challenged.

Her most sycophantic supporters know that she can win only by tearing Republicans down. The new line of attack is that Republicans are too weak to stand up to ISIS because they are afraid of CNBC moderators.

This assertion is as ludicrous as it is hypocritical. Hillary’s Democratic opponents are terrified of her. They are all terrified of Fox News. They are all terrified of violent leftist protesters from Code Pink to Occupy Wall Street to Black Lives Matter.

Hillary is terrified of everybody and everything. What does the FBI know about her server? What hidden scandals are about to explode? What if she gets asked on her ever-changing positions? What if her explanations are unsatisfactory? What if she gets caught lying?

Luckily for Hillary, many Democrats from Wasserman-Schultz to Elijah Cummings are prepared to defend her at all costs. This strategy may work.

For now, Hillary just wants to hide until the Iowa Caucus on Feb. 1, 2016. The day after that she will peer out, see her leftist shadow and declare nine more months of darkness until she is crowned.

It takes a village to protect an insecure female presidential candidate, and Hillary has the entire Democratic village to keep her away from the public eye.

That is scarier than any haunted house.


*Note: Our headline graphic is a reduction of the creatively doctored original serving as the illustration for Dandy Goat’s Hillary report. It’s entitled “Goth Girl,” and it’s credited to Marius Werner as best we can ascertain. Hat tip goes to Instapundit via Ed Driscoll for the original link.

Eric Golub

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”