Equal rights for gays must include abortion


LOS ANGELES, October 9, 2014 — In a legal shocker, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear the politically charged case of whether gay couples should be allowed to have abortions.

Liberal activists demanding abortion equality insist that Roe v. Wade applies to homosexual couples as well as to heterosexual couples. The Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment means that it would be a civil rights violation to ban gay couples from having abortions.

A spokesperson from the Gay and Lesbian Defamation League made it clear that the right of gays to marry is just the beginning. They have the right to have children, or get rid of potential children if they become an inconvenience.

Exasperated pro-family advocates have publicly stated that they have had enough. According to the Family Research Bureau, it is impossible for gay couples to procreate. They could adopt children, but not produce them on their own.

The GLDL called the FRB’s comments “bigoted,” “hurtful” and “intolerant.” The FRB offered to donate free biology books to all children attending schools in neighborhoods with a high concentration of gays.

The FRB added that since gays cannot conceive children, they cannot abort them. God created men and women differently.

The GLDL responded by referring to the FRB as a bunch of “bible-thumping zealots trying to legislate morality.”

Liberal Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said she would consult French law before determining whether the ACLU-GLDL case has merit. She would also speak to some French protesters to solicit their opinions. Conservative activists pointed out that since there may not be any heterosexual people left in France, it would be best to stick to America’s Constitution.

Transsexuals and transgendered individuals have filed a friend of the court brief demanding that the court stand up for hermaphrodite abortion rights, or as they call it “bi-solo termination equality.”

The New York Times immediately produced a study showing that men and women were the same. “The science is settled,” read the headline. To deny homosexuals the right to abortions is part of the white male heterosexist power structure.

President Obama declined to comment until he could obtain polling information from the American people telling him what to believe. Vice President Biden had plenty to say on the matter, but he was tackled, bound and gagged by Secret Service agents charged with saving Obama’s life. Biden was then warned he would be droned if he opened his mouth on the volatile subject.

Not all leftists are on board with the homosexual abortion fight. The Perpetually Outraged Against Everything Group issued a statement calling the gay termination movement a distraction. The Code Pink offshoot POAEG stated that the Supreme Court should focus on more pressing matters, such as illegal Israeli settlements in Palestine causing climate change.

Spokespeople for the Supreme Court had no comment, although privately some of the justices wanted to join conservatives in spraying liberal protesters with fire hoses.

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