‘Crooked Hillary Clinton’ gets a new moniker from Donald Trump

Donald J. Trump is so confident he has sewn up the Republican presidential nomination that he’s unveiled a new moniker for his likely Democratic rival in the general election: “Crooked Hillary Clinton.”

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WASHINGTON, April 26, 2016 — French philosopher and writer Voltaire said he made but one prayer to his Maker: “Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” Taking Voltaire’s advice, Donald J. Trump is so confident he has sewn up the Republican presidential nomination that he’s unveiled a new moniker for his likely Democratic rival in the general election: “Crooked Hillary Clinton.”

“She’s been crooked from the beginning,” Trump told cheering supporters at a campaign rally in Poughkeepsie, New York. “And to think that she has a shot at being our president – crooked Hillary Clinton – we can’t let it happen.”

As Trump explained to Jesse Watters of Fox News, “Sometimes, when you fight back, it doesn’t look presidential, but it gets the job done.”  He added that he likes “branding people.”

“Crooked Hillary is 100 percent correct,” he said.


Trump brought up a few Clinton indiscretions, like the Whitewater land swindle and Hillary’s illegal storing of top secret government information on her unsecured home email server. He also mentioned the influence peddlers who funneled millions of dollars to the Clintons, and the foundation that bears their name as payment for services rendered, which were “very much to the detriment of the United States.”

“She is a person who’s got many, many flaws,” said Trump.

ABC’s George Stephanopoulos speaks with crooked Hillary.
ABC’s George Stephanopoulos speaks with Crooked Hillary.

When asked to comment on her new moniker by ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, a very flawed Hillary said, “I don’t respond to Donald Trump and his string of insults about me. I can take care of myself. I look forward to running against him if he turns out to be the Republican nominee – if I am the Democratic nominee. What I’m concerned about is how he goes after everybody else.”

She recited a litany of the usual hollow and politically correct Democratic Party tropes that Trump has so deftly trampled underfoot on his march to the GOP presidential nomination.

“He [Trump] wants to set Americans against each other and I’m not going to stand for it,” said Hillary.

Actually, Trump is setting Americans against a certain crooked political hack from Chappaqua, New York. That’s what she won’t stand for – not that she has anything to say about it.

A white paper released by the Institute of World Politics titled “Ridicule as a Weapon,” says authoritarian leaders “require a controlled political environment, reinforced by sycophants and toadies, to preserve an impenetrable image… Jokes and contempt know no philosophy and a good laugh, even of the gallows humor variety, spreads virally, almost impossible to control.”

Six months after seizing power in Cuba in 1959, Castro’s goons posted signs in government buildings reading: “Counter-revolutionary jokes forbidden here.”

“I love running against crooked Hillary, I love that,” Trump told a gathering of supporters. “Bernie [Sanders] wouldn’t be as much fun.”

Forget “the issues” as defined by Hillary’s fawning media “sycophants and toadies,” those determined to “preserve” her “impenetrable image.”

The presidential election may turn on the power of Trump’s image-dismantling, counter-revolutionary jokes made at the expense of Hillary the Ridiculous.

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