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Cool hand Jeffrey Toobin suspended by the New Yorker, CNN

Written By | Oct 20, 2020
Toobin, NYT, Media

Jeffrey Toobin discussing the US Supreme Court. Penguin Random House YouTube screen capture.

WASHINGTON — CNN can thank its lucky stars that so few Americans even notice the 24/7 fake-news network these days. That’s because Jeffrey Toobin, legal analyst for both CNN and the New Yorker magazine, was allegedly caught in a practice that conservative observers say the mainstream media habitually engages in: self-aggrandizement. A.k.a., masturbation. In flagrante, no less. Now, cool hand Jeffrey Toobin is in hot water with both his embarrassed employers.

CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin. CNN screen capture.

Long arm of the law

Toobin is said to have taken matters into his own hands, so to speak, during a Zoom, all-hands-on-deck conference call with New Yorker magazine colleagues. He later issued a statement to Vice, which originally broke the story on the legal eagle’s creepy handiwork.

Zoom video conference. YouTube tutorial by George Kao,

According to the Vice story,

“Two people who were on the call told VICE separately that the call was an election simulation featuring many of the New Yorker’s biggest stars… There were also a handful of other producers on the call from the New Yorker and WNYC.

“Both people, who spoke on the condition of anonymity in order to speak freely, noted that it was unclear how much each person saw, but both said that they saw Toobin jerking off. The two sources described a juncture in the election simulation when there was a strategy session, and the Democrats and Republicans went into their respective break out rooms for about 10 minutes. At this point, they said, it seemed like Toobin was on a second video call. The sources said that when the groups returned from their break out rooms, Toobin lowered the camera. The people on the call said they could see Toobin touching his penis. Toobin then left the call. Moments later, he called back in, seemingly unaware of what his colleagues had been able to see, and the simulation continued.”

The Harvard lawyer later told “Motherboard” — Vice’s tech feature — that he made a “stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera.” He also apologized to his “wife, family, friends, and co-workers.”

Cool hand Jeff stated further that “I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video.”

Also Read: Hunter’s Laptop: Former NY Mayor Rudy Giuliani is still a crime fighter

The idle hands of fake news

It’s unclear if the New Yorker or CNN will wash their hands of Toobin or retain him, telling media critics, “Talk to the hand.”

In the meantime, both organizations suspended their legal expert. CNN told the Washington Post Toobin asked “for some time off while he deals with a personal issue.”

And who knows? He may reach out to a clinical psychologist for a helping hand.

A narcissistic scoundrel

Jeffrey Toobin discussing the US Supreme Court. Penguin Random House YouTube screen capture.

It appears what Jeffery Toobin wrote of President Trump in his book “True Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Investigation of Donald Trump,” instead, applies to him:

“He was a remarkably transparent figure. He never really pretended to be anything other than what he was – a narcissistic scoundrel. Yet he survived.”

Let’s hope cool hand Jeffrey Toobin gets the help he so desperately needs. Let’s also hope he receives the necessary emotional tools to keep his physical appetites from, well, getting out of hand.


Top Image: New Yorker and CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin discussing the US Supreme Court.
Penguin Random House, YouTube screen capture.


Steven M. Lopez

Originally from Los Angeles, Steven M. Lopez has been in the news business for more than thirty years. He made his way around the country: Arizona, the Bay Area and now resides in South Florida.