America, December 26, 2014: – Christmas is upon us, and there isn’t time left for shopping, but it seems like a good idea to list the presents our rulers and their enablers should be getting.
For the Secret Service, two weeks’ vacation in Hawaii. It’s nicer than Colombia, and the hookers speak English.
For China, some trial lawyers, union organizers, OSHA inspectors, a minimum wage, an unemployment insurance system, EPA regulators, and some generic do-gooders, to help bring their economic growth to parity with ours.
For both Janet Yellen at the Federal Reserve and the Commissioner of Social Security, a financial calculator, to help them understand compound interest.
For Hillary Clinton, the difference that it makes.
For the NYPD, an ego de-escalator; and for the shop keepers of Ferguson, Missouri, an apology from the governor for withholding protection and allowing their shops to be burned and looted. And a new Mayor for New York, and a new governor for Missouri.
For Michelle Obama, school lunches — for life.
For ISIS, recognition by our president of their Islamic status, because he doesn’t think ISIS is Islamic.
For Vladimir Putin, the rest of Ukraine, plus all the “istans” – Kazak-, Uzbek-, Tajik-, Pak-, Afghan-, and the rest. All courtesy our national lack of will. Then Europe.
For Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, two more years of Obama’s punitive Red Line.
For President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, a nuclear weapons program funded by the American people in furtherance of President Obama’s middle-east outreach for the promotion of science.
For Reince Priebus, a clue.
For Bowe Bergdahl, a certificate of appreciation for his heroic service – as a deserter and then as a pawn for the president, allowing each to do his part in the service of Al Qaida.
For Fidel and Raul Castro, and communist hard-liners everywhere, Cuba. But only Cuba.
For NPR, some other things to consider.
For Lois Lerner, truth serum and a gift certificate from the Geek Squad. For the rest of the IRS employees, an honest job.
For Mexico, a long-promised fence.
For James Clapper, a transcript of the Edward Snowden files, so that Clapper can learn what his agency’s been up to.
For all the EPA employees, a conversion of their retirement plans into coal mining stock.
For Speaker John Boehner, the choice was difficult. I didn’t know whether to get him a brain from the Scarecrow or some courage from the Cowardly Lion, though I doubt either would actually help him
For Nancy Pelosi, a private tutor in US history.
For Senator Charles Schumer, a never-ending tape of the screams of the dying children at Waco. He covered it up, but it won’t go away; not ever.
For every Member of Congress and every justice on the Supreme Court, a copy of The Constitution of the United States of America. And a reader to speak it to them slowly and distinctly, in case they can’t read, which I suspect may be the case.
For Harry Reid, a copy of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
And for our President, a fiddle that he can play, as our nation rages in the fire he has set and continues to stoke. I wonder if his epitaph will be that of Nero, “Oh, what an artist dies today;” or of Julius Caesar and Abraham Lincoln, “Sic semper tyrannis.” It’s not nice to say, but I’m anxious to find out.
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