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Another Republican has trouser problems

Written By | Feb 10, 2011

LOS ANGELES, February 10, 2011 — Is bad behavior by Congress even news anymore?

Before getting to the main event, a pair of Democrats have done the Republican Party a favor and are running for the hills.

Virginia Democratic Senator Jim Webb has decided not to run for reelection in 2012. After one term, he leaves behind a legacy of an asterisk.

His election in 2006 took place because the blogosphere torpedoed the campaign of George Allen.

(Full Disclosure: I did an event with Governor Allen recently. I am enthusiastically supporting his return to the Senate.)

Joe Biden gets to spout nonsense on a daily basis, but one comment blown out of proportion led to George Allen going from a top tier presidential candidate to an agonizingly close Senate loss.

The vote was close enough for a recount, but George Allen is not Al Gore. He put the people over his own ambition and walked away honorably.

The man who defeated him entered just as dishonorably. When President George W. Bush tried to welcome Mr. Webb by asking about his son, Webb replied, “That’s between me and my boy.” Webb’s classlessness is one reason he will not be missed. As for why he is leaving, George Allen is making a comeback. For a man who loved attacking Republicans, his cutting and running for shelter is a tad gutless. Either way, good riddance to Mr. Webb.

The resignation of Democratic Congresswoman Jane Harman is a bigger stunner on several levels.

For one thing, Ms. Harman no longer has a competitive seat. Redistricting has made her seat. Additionally, her carefully crafted image as a moderate Democrat is legitimate. Her pro-defense stands often put her at odds with the Pelosiraptor.

Ms. Harman does not need the money. She is the wealthiest woman in Congress with a net worth of around 800 million dollars. She is not under any cloud of scandal.

Yet she has decided to just up and leave to take a job with a George Soros entity.

This is surprising because Ms. Harman defeated a Soros sycophant in the most recent Democratic primary. Her views are not in sync with him. Since she is already wealthy, time will tell why she would leave Congress for a job working for the very man trying to undermine America.

She recently defeated Mattie Fein in the general election, and Ms. Fein may run again.

(Full disclosure: I know Ms. Fein personally and supported her in her race against Ms. Harman.)

Yet if Mr. Webb leaving is a storm and Ms. Harman’s departure is a hurricane, then the downfall of Christopher Lee is a sexual tsunami.

New York Republican Congressman Christopher Lee was just immediately resigned from Congress. The married Congressman was caught sending half-naked pictures of himself to a woman on Craigslist.

Would it be too much to ask for one of these sexually repressed Republicans to keep their trousers on? Is it that hard to love the person representing the sacred vows found on the wedding ring?

This is a disgrace and a distraction for the Republican Party. If Republicans need to have it spelled out again, there are certain rules for those wanting to let their proclivities run wild.

Step one is to not run for political office. Everybody born after 1920 knows this thing called the Internet. Everything is public. Nothing stays secret. There is no privacy.

To run for office while mired in secret scandals is selfish, and destructive to America. Imagine if (shudder) John Edwards had won the nomination and then gotten caught.

America needs to focus on killing terrorists, which is hard to do when leaders are preoccupied with adolescent carnality.

Step two is to stay single. A certain blogger who resembles yours truly in every way does not have to worry about being caught in the Jacuzzi with a pair of Republican Jewish brunettes. Shame?

Try finding the guys and bragging about it as high-fives are exchanged. Single people get upset when the truth fails to leak out. It is important succesful stories of conquest reach critical mass so more single liaisons can take place.It is also hard to blackmail people volunteering to go public.

Married people do not have the luxury of disclosure, nor should they. For those bored with their spouse, take them to some role-playing seminar taught by Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Just don’t talk about it. You’re married. You’re boring. Accept this. Know that once you walk down that aisle, a sacred oath is taken.

The public is in no mood to trust people who cannot even behave honorably with those they claim to love most.

Step three is to never ever take public pictures. The blogger mentioned earlier understands the difference between self-confidence and hubris. Every American needs to look in the mirror just once at their naked body and ask themselves if they really think they are that special that anybody else would want to look at that. Be honest. Surgeons make millions off of liposuctions, rhinoplastys, and tummy tucks because none of us are perfect. Nobody wants to see it. Keep your clothing on.

(If you are the leader of a nation, be it Obama, Putin, or Sarkozy, there is an exemption. Sarkozy wants the world to know he is married to Carla Bruni. This is normal.)

Step four is to leave America. Go to Europe. British Prime Minister David Cameron’s wife took illicit pictures of herself. She can. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is a walking peccadillo. He is a billionaire Italian. It comes with the territory.

Step five is to become as politically liberal as possible. Bill Clinton sexually abuses women for sport. Ted Kennedy got one killed. Elliott Spitzer trafficked in prostitutes yet spent zero time in jail.

Republicans are not allowed to behave this way because Republicans preach morality. Many liberals allow moral bankruptcy, so they get a pass. Al Gore was sanctimonious, so he did not.

The good news for Republicans is that Christopher Lee is from Western New York, which most people think is from Canada anyway. Buffalo is Hamilton.

The bad news is that once again we Republicans will be accused of being moralistic hypocrites. Even Republicans like me who publicly lower the morality bar get dragged down because we belong to the party of family values.

It is time for the Republican Party to keep their pants zipped or watch Democrats recreate the Salem Witch Trials and purge the entire Republican Party out of existence.

Go now Mr. Lee. Try and salvage your family. Just don’t ever return to the political arena.

Republicans have enough distractions.

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. After years of dating liberals, he has finally seen the light and now only dates Republican Jewish women. His family is pleased over this. Republican, Jewish women, you may contact Eric above.

Read more of Eric’s work at The Tygrrrr Express at the Communities Digital News.

Eric Golub

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”