WASHINGTON, Sept. 17, 2015 – Capitol Hill, as well as state capitols around the country, are seeing a flurry of activity this morning. Congressional staffers, White House aides and various political errand runners have been seen running around the city in a burst of excitement and motion. At first, many thought that the day’s commotion was the result of some major political power move, or perhaps a prelude to war. But as CDN found out, that is not the case.
Stopping a staffer on North Capitol Street in NW DC, CDN asked the pressing question.
“Can you tell me why everyone seems to be running around today?”
“Well, yeah, it’s Constitution Day.” The staffer said with exasperation.
“Constitution Day?” We replied.
“That’s what we said, we have no idea what it means. Everyone is running all over town trying to find out what it means!”
After running off towards the Gonzaga High School Library to hopefully find someone in D.C. who knew what Constitution Day was about, suddenly concerned, we did some more digging.
After a few hours of calling, a representative from Dianne Feinstein’s office returned our call. Under conditions of anonymity he told us what all the fuss was about.
CDN: So, can you tell us what all the fuss is about?
Staffer: Oh yeah, everyone is freaking out over here. Apparently today celebrates this piece of paper called the Constitution. None of us in Feinstein’s office ever heard of it.
CDN: You guys don’t know what the Constitution is?
Staffer: What and you do? You must have gone to a great school, I never even heard of it and I have worked in government all my life.
CDN: How is it that you have never heard of the Constitution?
Staffer: I mean, it can’t be that important if no one in Washington has ever heard of it right? I got a call from a friend in Gov. Christie’s office telling me that they had never even heard the word before.
After an exhaustive effort to try to get a hold of someone at the White House, we received an email from a staffer who attempted to clear the entire thing up.
“From our research, the Constitution is a sort of non-binding guideline that presidents can use or not use when they need to justify their actions to a nation who, let’s be honest, isn’t paying attention anyway.”
Our curiosity over Washington’s seemingly inexplicable amnesia over our nation’s supreme document led us to put a call in to the Supreme Court, hoping and praying that they would be able to at least tell us a little bit about the Constitution. However, we received an email from a SCOTUS clerk informing us that the Supreme Court building had been purchased, and would soon turn into a Shake Shak.
In an attempt to get answers from Republican Party leadership, CDN asked House Majority Leader John Boehner’s office if he was up to date on his constitutional knowledge. A staffer responded, “The speaker supports long, reflective walks, and has supported them longer than the Democrats.”
Alas, as the day draws to a close, we could not find one government employee who could tell us anything about the Constitution. In a last-ditch effort to get some clarification we reached out to the National Archives to discuss the Constitution with a professor or scholar, really anyone who could shed some light on this situation to us, we were told in a text message that the Constitution was currently being used by DHS Director Jeh Johnson as a coaster on his coffee table.
Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2015 Communities Digital News
• The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of the editors or management of Communities Digital News.
This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities Digital News, LLC. Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.
Correspondingly, Communities Digital News, LLC uses its best efforts to operate in accordance with the Fair Use Doctrine under US Copyright Law and always tries to provide proper attribution. If you have reason to believe that any written material or image has been innocently infringed, please bring it to the immediate attention of CDN via the e-mail address or phone number listed on the Contact page so that it can be resolved expeditiously.