COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo., June 10, 2016 — The explanation for the strangeness of Election Year 2016 is so obvious, it’s hard now to see how we could miss it. The Democrat-Obama fix has been in from the very beginning.
Step One: Uncle Joe, our vice president Joseph Biden, publicly agonizes over whether to run for president. The death of his son, Delaware’s former attorney general, Beau Biden, understandably has rocked his emotional balance. He is a grieving father. The loyal vice president to President Obama needs time.
But time and elections wait for no man. Biden finally stops vacillating and announces that he just cannot do it. The campaign, coming at this sad time in his life, would be more than he could handle.
Step Two: Hillary to the rescue! Hillary Clinton prepares for the coronation she missed seven years ago. Her every waking moment and high-priced speeches have paved her way. With her Clinton cash and the presumed support of the Democratic Party, she has taken her pants-suit-first-woman-president case out to America.
Step Three: In a classic Machiavellian way, Democrats advance the cause of Crazy Bernie Sanders, the socialist. Why? His far left views make Clinton’s far left views appear almost centrist. His candidacy provides the Democrats with a real choice: the moderate, experienced former secretary of state versus the old Vermont curmudgeon. The choice back then seemed obvious. Clinton would make mincemeat of Sanders.
Accident One: Unexpectedly, the curmudgeon catches fire, garnering the attention and heart of a fair amount of a country that yearns for real change. Even Democrats have grown tired of establishment politicians. Sanders was a breath of fresh air in a stultifying election, someone who clearly ticks off the entire establishment. On the right, Donald Trump came along to fill that role. But on the left, that man was Bernie Sanders. It might have worked had he not become so popular, drawing record-breaking crowds.
Accident Two: Also unexpectedly, Donald Trump—a man of the times, a businessman with a mouth, the anti-politician who’s all about business—catches fire. He talks trade, “Making America Great Again,” a chicken in every pot. He’s the new age politician who isn’t one. He gaffes, he quivers, he changes his mind six times. His red hair blows in the wind.
People love him. No, really love him. He is the change we all have been waiting for. He even has managed to widen the Republican tent. Crossover voters all over the country begin sharpening their No. 2 pencils to mark his name as the next president of the United States.
Step Four: Because of Trump, the ground has shifted and the Democrats must walk carefully as they plot their return president. President Obama makes a carefully crafted video endorsing Hillary Clinton. At the same time, a government agency has begun labeling her email scandal a criminal investigation, turning up the heat and raising questions about her viability.
With the president’s very public early endorsement, he will be able to prove his own bona fides in her regard. He was on her side all along. No paw prints for what is about to happen.
Step Five: White House press secretary Josh Earnest refers to the probe into Hillary Clinton’s private email system as a possible “criminal investigation” moments after President Obama’s endorsement of her.
Suddenly, the visibility of Uncle Joe begins to ramp up. The president meets with Sanders, presumably to urge him to step aside for Hillary.
But what if? What if instead, he’s offering him the vice presidency under a President Biden? What if he gives Sanders a hint to the final game: Hillary is indicted. And Joe Biden rides in on his white horse (no pun intended) to save the day and the Democrats’ bacon.
Step Six: The timing of this step is in question. Is Clinton indicted before the convention? Or during it? Clearly a Hollywood scriptwriter or even Peggy Noonan could help out here. Regardless, the Democratic convention will turn into a gigantic “Come to Jesus” reexamination of the goals and objectives and morals of the Democratic party. After much public beating of chests and wailing, the party leaders will declare themselves healed and march in Good Ol’ Joe to save the day.
Step Seven: Good Old Joe will give a barn burner of a speech at the Democratic Convention in which he humbly and with great regret for Hill’s demise, accepts his party’s nomination. But the crowning moment will be his announcement of his running mate: Bernie the socialist.
Step Eight: Ding dong, the witch is dead!
The Democratic party is rising once again. Kindly Old Uncle Joe will provide such a contrast to the harsh and inexperienced-in-politics Donald Trump, the country will rally around him and his efforts.
Step Nine: President Biden will give us another Obama term. America loves a story of redemption and resurrection.