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Learning to surrender: A simple, effective way to banish negative feelings

Written By | Mar 3, 2019
Learning to surrender

Relax and surrender. Image via Public domain, CC 0.0 license.

WASHINGTON. Today we’re going to explore an idea that might seem unusual or even wrong in our 21stcentury. That idea? Learning to surrender.

Consider: Have you ever had one of those days where the universe seems to be playing a joke on you?  Where everyone around you appears to be in on the joke and you could swear there must be a hidden camera filming you?

On client’s experience in learning to surrender 

I recently coached a client who endured an entire week of this kind of treatment. It definitely churned up a gnawing sense of anxiety and frustration inside of him. Not to mention a feeling of being overwhelmed.

Worse, no matter what he did, he could not shake these gnawing feeling that had built up inside him. The more he tried to shake or ignore his intensely  negative feelings, the more he felt them. So finally, instead of trying to fight those powerful negative feelings, he simply stopped resisting and surrendered.

I remember once hearing my mother say that emotions are like waves. They come and they go and are temporary in nature. The best way to make them subside is just to let them pass through you. So I suggested to my client that he do just that. He said aloud how he was feeling, let out a yelp and told himself that he will not feel this way forever.

Time to take the pressure off. Who needs it?

By allowing himself to surrender, this client took the pressure off himself to feel better. In turn, this allowed him to relax for the very first time all week. As a result, he said, his breathing immediately calmed and returned to normal. Even better, none of his problems felt as catastrophic as they had felt just moments ago. Surrendering proved to be a game changer for him.

Most people run into days when everything seems to turn out wrong

Most people go through times in their lives when they feel like everything is going wrong. At the same time, it seems to them that the more they try to fix things, the worse they get. It can be absolutely maddening!

Sometimes, the mere act of trying to control or fix a situation can actually end up creating the opposite effect. For example, have you ever tried to grip onto something so tightly that it slipped through your fingers? Like sand for instance. The more you try to grip sand in your hand, the more it slips through your fingers.

Sometimes the answer, the solution to your problem is learning to surrender. Learning to loosen your grip and simply surrender, just letting go and allowing the negative emotions pass through you. Of course this is more easily said than done. But simply being aware of how you are feeling and then deciding to surrender to it is really the first step toward feeling better.

The past is past

You cannot change the past. And yes, sometimes there are bad days to endure both at the workplace and at home, and sometimes such days will show up again. It’s part of daily life.

But the fact that you are reading this article right now tells me that you are headed in the right direction.

So keep going. Keep on keeping on with your life and your goals. And as you do, trust that as far as your latest troubles are concerned, these too shall pass. After all, we are still only human. But remember that the sun will rise again. And plenty of good days certainly lie ahead for us all. So learning to surrender can get you back into the flow of life.

If you are really lucky, you may even look back some day at your latest bad day and laugh about it.

On that note, may you all be well. And above all, may each one of you be proud of yourself for taking command of your life!

— Headline image: Relax and surrender. Image via Public domain, CC 0.0 license.

For more Information Contact:

Susan Commander Samakow, PCC, CPCC
Certified Business, Life & Career Coach and Author,
Focusing on Confidence & Resilience Strategies and Transition

Certified Mediator

301-706-7226 & 703-574-0039

Twitter: @SelfTalkCoach

Read Susan’s new book: Talk Yourself into Success.

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Susan Samakow

Susan Commander Samakow, PCC, is a Certified Business, Life and Leadership Coach. Susan focuses on life and career transition, business and leadership, and confidence and resilience strategies. Susan is also a speaker and facilitator, as well as a Community Content Producer for WUSA 9 TV. She is the former president of the ICF Metro DC Chapter, the largest in North America. Susan’s clients are individuals, any size business and the government. Visit Susan’s website: Susan is on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked In.