WASHINGTON. Well, it’s finally happened. NASA has completely lost its mind. Or at least that’s the case for one of its pointy-headed researchers. NASA scientist Dr. Silvano P. Colombano of the US space agency’s Ames Research Center, suggests that Earth may have been visited by the kind of alien invaders that prove oblivious to canisters of tear gas. Perhaps like those law enforcement personnel lobbed at the migrant alien caravan that just stormed our country’s southern border.
Well, not exactly. Columbano is talking about space aliens.
A renewed NASA search for little green men?
In a paper entitled “New Assumptions to Guide SETI Research,” the NASA research scientist speculates that we small-minded earthlings may fail to recognize “the [extraterrestrial] intelligence we might find and that might choose to find us (if it hasn’t already).” He further observes they “might not be at all produced by carbon-based organisms like us.”
The problem with Colombano’s thesis is that carbon, at least for now, is the only viable chemical component capable of bonding together elements such as hydrogen, nitrogen, sulfur, phosphorus, and oxygen. Then, Mother Nature twists these elements into the balloon animals that make up the vast and interesting varieties of life here on earth.
Extraterrestrial theorists consider this view “carbon chauvinism.” But as yet they have been unsuccessful in proving the existence of non-carbon based lifeforms.
Aliens from a galaxy far, far away
Furthermore, Columbano dismisses the problem rational humans have with the concept of aliens traveling the vast, interstellar distances separating Earth from the nearest stars.
Just one light year measures a distance of 5.88 trillion miles. Aside from the sun, the closest stars to earth – the binary companions Alpha Centauri A and B – are 25.67 trillion miles from our planet.
Traveling these distances would require something more akin to a time machine than a space craft. But that poses no difficulty for Colombano’s boundless imagination.
“Even if the speed of light continues to be an unbreakable barrier, over spans of thousands of years civilizations could probably make interstellar journeys, depending on what assumptions we make about the forms of life that they will comprise.”
In other words, whatever form the non-carbon alien life form takes, its singular evolutionary achievement will be patience. Subsquently, this ageless being will have to sit in a cramped flying saucer for hundreds, thousands, or millions of years. Consequently, it had better have a lot in common with its co-pilot. You know, like favorite movies and music genres. And how many times can you stand to hear that same “funny” story over and over and over again?
Who knows? The alleged 1947 UFO crash at Roswell, New Mexico, may have been the desperate act of an alien driven suicidal by an epic case of cabin fever. (On the other hand, it may have been a Russian hoax.)
Enter the NASA paper shufflers
Finally, Colombano suggests that his fellow NASA researchers comb through seventy years of “UFO reports.” This research cache includes some “130,000 pages of declassified US Air Force documents, [the] National UFO Reporting Center Database and several other international databases.”
Unfortunately, the United States no longer has a viable manned space program. Perhaps Dr. Colombano’s proposed little-green-men paper chase will help keep NASA researchers busy. Above all this would keep them productively occupied. Or at least keep them amused until NASA finds its way back to its real mission: serious scientific inquiry.
Top Image: Alien spacecraft crash at Roswell, New Mexico. X-Files screen capture via YouTube video.