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Hillary goes Goth in last-ditch pitch for millennial votes

Written By | Jan 10, 2015

WASHINGTON, Oct. 10, 2015 – We were stunned today when we stumbled across this Oct. 7 Internet headline shocker and its mind-boggling headline photo:

Hillary adopts new ‘goth’ look to appeal to youth

The source? A hitherto unknown (to us) webzine called The Dandy Goat.

According to the Goat, the Hillary Clinton team has decided to launch yet another makeover project for the fading Democrat front-runner in the 2016 presidential sweepstakes.

Fearing that her popularity among young voters has fallen to a critically low point, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has adopted a so-called ‘gothic’ look to appeal to millennials whom her advisors describe as suffering from angst and alienation….

Clinton showcased her new look at an event in Iowa on Wednesday, speaking at a 4-H club while dressed in an Edwardian corset, a lacy black dress, knee-high studded boots and a variety of occult jewelry.

“Look around, my fellow Americans, and you’ll see that everything is in a state of decay,” Clinton said. “The only certainty in life is death, and it is death we must espouse if we are to live fully.”

It’s not certain whether Hillary was referring to Planned Parenthood in her comment.

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Okay. As you’ve probably figured out by now, The Dandy Goat reports the news (or non-news) with the same devil-may-care satirical attitude pioneered by the venerable Onion and (sometimes) South Park, but, it seems, with a more definitively conservative-libertarian twist.

If there’s anything American politics could use right now, it’s more rather than less of this kind of ridicule. The Goat’s reportage on the alleged goth makeover of The Smartest Woman in the World is not much of a stretch when you consider how many times she’s already attempted to reboot her inherently obnoxious, condescending and utterly insincere self. Indeed, contemporary American politics continuously provides would-be satirists with an almost historically target-rich environment.

Hint to Hillary: nothing will help your campaign until and unless you stop lying about Benghazi, those thousands of illegal (and perhaps treasonous) emails and the obvious money collecting and laundering efforts of that so-called “charitable” Clinton Foundation. Honestly, we’re not even sure at this point that telling the truth will be nearly enough to overcome your inherent creepiness and utter lack of human authenticity.

Hint to our readers: Lighten up your political day and read the whole article, following the link above.

More Dandy Goat headline stories worth perusing:

Officials warn against rainbow Confederate flags

Texas biker gangs clash, leaving nine critically offended

Articles such as these are the perfect antidote to our daily diet of so-called reporting, the kind that’s filled to the brim with lies, innuendo, slander and smears, nearly always directed towards Republicans, conservatives, Libertarians or practicing Christians.

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And seriously, you gotta love a site that describes its staff thusly:

“Our team consists only of men. We’d like to have women write for us, really. It’s just that we’re so cash-strapped that we’d only be able to pay them 77 cents for every dollar the rest of us earn.”

Sounds kind of like the ongoing male-female pay differential in the Obama White House.

*Note: Our headline graphic is a reduction of the creatively doctored original serving as the illustration for Dandy Goat’s Hillary report. It’s entitled “Goth Girl,” and it’s credited to Marius Werner as best we can ascertain. Hat tip goes to Instapundit via Ed Driscoll for the original link.

Terry Ponick

Biographical Note: Dateline Award-winning music and theater critic for The Connection Newspapers and the Reston-Fairfax Times, Terry was the music critic for the Washington Times print edition (1994-2010) and online Communities (2010-2014). Since 2014, he has been the Senior Business and Entertainment Editor for Communities Digital News (CDN). A former stockbroker and a writer and editor with many interests, he served as editor under contract from the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy (OSTP) and continues to write on science and business topics. He is a graduate of Georgetown University (BA, MA) and the University of South Carolina where he was awarded a Ph.D. in English and American Literature and co-founded one of the earliest Writing Labs in the country. Twitter: @terryp17