My doctor says to use less salt; my daughter says “No pork!”
My neighbor swears by fish oil and my spouse chews on raw cork.
I got a water bottle for my birthday − what’s the deal?
Plain tap water is good enough − c’mon folks, let’s get real!
I want a prudent diet, but the factions are so teeming
That if I listen to them all I’ll wind up crazed and screaming.
Everything’s verboten, from vanilla to beef stew −
Like W.C. Fields, perhaps, I’ll just employ a corkscrew!
Poem inspired by an article in the Washington Post.