WASHINGTON, January 6, 2016 – Upon opening the New York Times this morning, we duly noted this seismic piece of encouraging international news:
“North Korea declared on Wednesday that it had detonated a hydrogen bomb for the first time, the latest destabilizing move from one of the world’s most isolated and unpredictable countries. But officials and analysts in South Korea quickly cast doubt on the North’s claim, saying that the seismological data from the impact was more in keeping with that of an atomic device.”
These data points promptly inspired our Muse to compose a hymn of praise to the world’s greatest and only Workers’ Shangri-La and its perpetually peace-loving Young General:
The U.N wants the world to play it cool and mighty nice
When North Korea detonates a hydrogen device.
Of course they also claim they’ve landed men upon the moon,
Launched satellites to Betelgeuse, boast troops to make us swoon.
Their citizens down sirloin steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner,
And every ticket holder in their lottery’s a winner.
Their children have no cavities (because they have no teeth),
And healthcare is a given, plus a bonus funeral wreath.
This Worker’s Paradise where labor is its own reward,
Boasts lovely concentration camps where no one’s ever bored.
The country welcomes immigrants, a fact without a doubt,
But once you’re in their Promised Land they’ll never let you out.
Why should we doubt or even think that they exaggerate?
Communists will always tell the truth about their state!
Read also: North Korea and Kim Jung-un as punch lines