Waking Woka-Cola: ‘I’d Like to Teach the World to Be Less White?’
WASHINGTON — One thing we can say about today’s crazed politics: Its ongoing shenanigans can almost instantly spark savage satire. Case in point: It took considerably less than a week for at least four YouTube songwriters — Michael Joiner, Austin Forman, Tyson James and Buddy Brown — to compose, record, publish, and launch off-the-charts hits, all inspired by the misguided efforts of
Coca-Cola Woka-Cola to endorse reverse racism throughout the company.
That exercise in corporate wokeness and condescension quickly ended up about as popular as New Coke. Gen Xers and Boomers may still remember that legendary 1985 soft drink flop, Coke’s answer to the notorious 1950 automotive debacle known as the Ford Edsel. Now, in 2021, this bizarre, failed attempt by today’s Woka-Cola to indoctrinate its workforce with vile, discriminatory propaganda becomes this legendary corporate giant’s latest Epic Fail.
YouTube singer/songwriters produce catchy variety of tunes about ups and downs on the curse of whiteness
In short, Woka-Cola’s (formerly) online “Confronting Racism” employee course, which urged its un-woke Caucasian workers to “Be Less White,” caused a spontaneous eruption of satirical music and lyrics representing four different genres of American music: hip-hop, rock, and two different styles of country.
The lyrics, tunes, and the methods of the composer-performers couldn’t prove more different. But Joiner, Forman, James and Brown all proclaim the same message. For all four, the smarmy Woka-Cola “Be Less White” reverse racist pitch instantly proved too funny — and exasperating and aggravating — to ignore.
Michael Joiner: Amateur Rock, Professional Parody of Woka-Cola employee propaganda effort
Comedian-actor Michael Joiner found himself so taken by the “Be Less White” course pushed internally by Woka-Cola that he felt compelled to parody both Coke and rock. He fakes lead, bass, and rhythm guitar and drums, along with the patented, overtly self-aware, audience-ignoring gaze lead singers have owned since Mick Jagger first sneered onstage at his adoring fans in the early 1960s.
With only 636 subscribers on a channel that’s been around since 2006, Michael Joiner has done well with his new parody offering. He’s logged 6,441 views, 70 thumbs-ups and only 10 thumbs-downs since releasing his rock version of “Be Less White” on Feb 26.
Joiner found the online Coca-Cola wokeness course so ridiculous (“I had to this is out there ASAP”) that he was willing to risk exposing his yet-to-be-developed musical talent to fast-track his parody (“My future parodies etc. will have better production value. I can’t sing.”)
But wait a minute! One of the BLW class slides states “whites are socialized to feel that they are inherently superior because they are white.” Looks like Joiner wasn’t properly socialized. And remains incorrigibly un-woke.
Austin Forman: A Johnny Cash T-Shirt and a Down Home Country Style
A completely different musical genre, country music remains popular today, long since since its popular heyday dating from the 1950s and 1960s. Fans of this style of music often prefer a twist on the obvious. Austin Forman is no exception to the rule. His fans can easily spot this element in his latest music video, another Woka-Cola parody entitled “Be More White.”
Forman’s take on being less white is a call to be more white. His advice includes endorsing ordinary white life activities such as “leave a bunch of car parts in your front yard,” “live dance to every song,” “put a dip in your lips,” and “move to a trailer park,” among other more nefarious and very white pursuits.
Forman omits few of the worst clichés attributed to somewhat less-than-honorable white people. And he does draw the line at doing meth. But he nests his ultimately patriotic message in a catchy melody, helping the humorous medicine to go down.
Like Michael Joiner, Austin Forman is worth a listen, particularly for music video fans who’ve grown tired of today’s fashionable anti-white memes. “If you’re American and free, be as white as you can be. Let Coca-Cola hate on you and me.”
Fun facts for fans of online stats: Forman joined YouTube in April 2020 and already has almost 3 million views and 23.7 K subscribers. He released his now-popular Woka-Cola parody song on February 25. As of this writing it has logged 10,650 views, 964 thumbs-ups, and only 16 thumbs-downs. What’s not to love?
Tyson James: White Hip-Hop? How Dare He?
Conservative hip-hop is the next genre to address whiteness, courtesy of rapper Tyson James. His song, “Less White (Coca-Cola clap backs)” has received 2,900 thumbs-ups on 20,000 views, plus an almost 3090 approval rating against a statistically insignificant 11 thumbs-downs.
James’ lyrics, rich and dense, begin with a detailed order for Starbuck’s. His narrative then sails off into running free-associated lyrical riffs, both mundane and aggressive, that could apply to anybody. Except, of course, that everything regarded as normal human behavior becomes “white.”
“I do white stuff / I eat lots of vegetables / and plan for my future”
The early lyrical innings are tame but still funny. But hang in there. He soon heads into much tougher stuff, proving that Tyson James is well worth listening to.
Buddy Brown: Classic Mississippi Country Music—Pepsi Can Have This Song
Heading back to country music, we encounter Buddy Brown and his take on being less white. Brown is an independent artist who began his YouTube video career in 2009. Like the other musicians covered here, he avoided the time delays in releasing his parody. Such delays can quickly transform freshly hot topics like the now-deleted Woka-Cola training material into old news.
Better yet, by self-publishing his latest offering online, Brown, like the others here, is not beholden to a commercial record company. Ditto the relentlessly woke corporate committees that carefully vaccinate every musical release. The goal: to ensure the continued health of a growing corporate political correctness driven more by the profit motive rather than audience taste.
Described in his bio as having a “relentless work ethic,” Brown’s career and artistry has blossomed in recent years. You can read all about his success as you listen to “We Gotta Be Less White.” He earns bonus points when he generously offers his wickedly funny parody free to Pepsi if they want a new theme song.
Each of these four artists hit the “Be Less White” corporate lunacy with their best musical efforts. They did so by fitting each parody into their unique styles and differing genres. Yet each effort shares the artists’ energized reaction to the combined perfidy and social folly hawked by predictably condescending Elitists whenever and wherever they gather.
As Buddy Brown (whose page views topped well over two million in a single day) says, “I think in America we just need to be less stupid …. Be proud of who you are no matter where you came from.”
And “Be Less White?”
Be less stupid.
– Headline image: Screen capture from Buddy Brown’s latest music video.