WASHINGTON. After its recent theater-of-the-absurd Kevin Hart debacle, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is having a hard time finding a perfect, sin-free entertainer to host the Oscar awards ceremony. Perhaps special effects house Electric Light and Magic can help. They could whip up the perfect computer-generated man/woman/transgender to do the job. A jumble of binary code that speaks in non-binary, gender-neutral terms.
But how will this angelic being pass such offensive, gender-specific categories as “Best Actor” or “Best Actress” through its digital windpipes without gagging? After Kevin Hart’s departure, no one knows the answer. Or if there even is an answer.
It’s difficult for debauched Hollywood these days to assemble a congregation from among its own to meet the approval of the Church of the Curiously Oriented. After all such material by comedians like Hart has been a staple of comedic relief in the entertainment field for eons.
That provided the punchline at the end of the 1959 classic comedy “Some Like it Hot.”
Dear Kevin Hart. Your comedy is just not funny anymore
Back in olden times, the court jester spoke truth directly to royal power. But a modern jester like Kevin Hart, whose past comedic Twitter observations of Kings and Queens cost him is Oscar hosting gig, currently finds himself on an apology tour. It could easily outlast his short movie career.
Hart appeared on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.” On the show, Ellen told her guest he apparently lacked education “on the subject (of homosexuality).” However, the high priestess condescended to grant absolution for the supplicant Hart.
“You have grown, you have apologized, you are apologizing again right now. You’ve done it. Don’t let those people win – host the Oscars.”
Just how sorry are you, Kevin?
But church member Jonathan Van Ness of the Netflix series “Queer Eye” waxed apoplectic with outrage over Ellen’s plenary indulgence for Kevin Hart’s despicable behavior.
“Nothing like enabling someone to mansplain why they’re homophobic past comments paired w[ith] defensive irritated half apologies are totally fabulous!”
In a later interview on “Good Morning America,” co-host Michael Strahan addressed Hart.
“You apologized. You said you were sorry. But there are a lot of people who have taken an issue to the way that you’ve apologized. So, what do you say to that?”
Kevin Hart dons sackcloth and ashes. Forever?
That’s when Hart’s eyes widened. His blood began to boil. He suddenly realized his career was transitioning from professional comedian to perpetual penitent.
“I say I’m done with it. It gets no more energy from me. That’s why I said, for the last time, I’m not addressing this. There’s no more conversation about it. I’m literally, I’m over that. I’m over the moment, and I’m about today. So, if it’s accepted, great. If it’s not, there’s nothing I can control. Some things are left out of your hands. So, I’m done with it. I’m over it. That’s where I’m personally at.”
The next act in this farce? Watch Kevin Hart and his public relations team set Hart on a new path to contrition. They’ll call it the “Sorry for the Way I Apologized” apology tour.
Top Image: Comedian Kevin Hart on “Good Morning America.” Screen capture.