In the News: All the Fabricated Factoids fit to print

Our resident poet figures if one of our “newspapers of record” can eat up column inches discussing fake stories, he can do the same with virtual column inches.

P. T. Barnum's fake but accurate "Fiji Mermaid." (From a New York Herald image originally published there in 1842, copyright expired)

WASHINGTON, September 28, 2015 – Ever notice how much fake stuff there is today in our increasingly weird world, particularly on the Internet? In a recent issue of the newspaper, the Washington Post soberly reported:

“There is so much fake stuff on the Internet in any given week that we’ve grown tired of debunking it all. Fake Twitter fights. Fake pumpkin-spice products. Amazing viral video? Nope — a Jimmy Kimmel stunt!

“So, rather than take down each and every undeservedly viral story that crosses our monitors each week, we’re rounding them all up in a quick, once-a-week Friday debunk of fake photos, misleading headlines and bad studies that you probably shouldn’t share over the weekend.”

If the Washington Post can do a Friday weekly roundup, I can do mine on a Monday:

Fabricated factoids on the Internet this week
feature enough humbug to make P.T. Barnum meek.
Donald Trump is calling for polygamy’s return.
Swiss cheese with listeria is oozing out of Berne.
Joe Biden has converted to the LDS persuasion.
Congress is abolishing our laws on tax evasion.
J.K. Rowling is revealed to be an ISIS spy.
Natural Viagra can be found in apple pie.
Windshield wipers come from baby seals from Hudson Bay.
Tomorrow has been earmarked, folks, as “Adam Sandler Day.”
Twenty-thousand monkeys have escaped from Angkor Wat.
Pope Francis has admitted that he smokes a lot of pot.
Fresh French fries have been found in orbit ‘round the planet Saturn.
For twenty years an airliner’s been in a holding pattern
The New York Times was sold to Salman of the Tribe of Saud.
New Google algorithms will soon prove there is no God. 
(How much do you wanna bet that if this poem is ever posted
Glenn Beck will have it on the air, both verified and toasted?) 

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