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Hellish Headlines: Weekly excursions in the magical Realm of Bad Taste

Written By | Feb 4, 2018
hellish headlines

Retouched image of Michaelangelo’s “Creation of Adam.” Original image via Wikipedia entry on this fresco, CC 3.0.

WASHINGTON, February 4, 2018: Let’s cut to the chase by checking out the latest Hellish Headlines in the media, my personal selection of savory tidbits collected online. These bizarre nuggets, freshly retreived from the Looney Bin, are followed by my own pithy comments.

Hellish Headlines via Instapundit’s Ed Driscoll:

DISPATCHES FROM THE NEWSPEAK DICTIONARY: “God will no longer be referred to as He or Him in the Episcopal Church Diocese of Washington, D.C., which passed a resolution last week barring all use of masculine pronouns when referring to the Almighty. They will be updating their Book of Common Prayer as a result.”

Comment: Here’s a fun quote from the linked article in Dailywire, typo and all:

“Some members of the clergy feel the radical measure did not go far enough. Rev. Linda R. Calkins from St. Bartholomew’s Episcopal Church in Laytonsville, Maryland, cited scripture that allegedly says God has “breasts.” According to her understanding of the verse in Genesis Chapter 17, when God tells Abraham “I am El Shaddai,” that means “God with breats.” [sic]

As my Irish friends often say, “JAY-sus!” Continuing nonsense like this, as proclaimed by the blind and politically correct Anglican and Episcopal hierarchy, is the major reason why the Episcopal Church is essentially dying or dead in this country. It has become yet another branch of the batbrain wing of the Democrat-Socialist Party. I personally know many Episcopalians who have converted to Roman Catholicism as a result of their church’s cave-in to virtue-signaling secularists. As a former English prof, I also wonder what kind of “gender neutral” pronoun these sad clerical clowns will choose in order to theologically diminish the Book of Common Prayer. Worse, our current, rabidly anti-American, Liberation Theologian, Chi-com-loving Roman Catholic Pope is poisoning Saint Peter’s chair as well, potentially leaving our poor Episcopal friends – and disgruntled Catholics like me – pretty much with nowhere else to turn.

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NEXT: Instapundit is on a roll this morning. Here are two more splendidly hellish headlines offering examples of life on the wild side, both via Instapundit Glenn Reynolds, himself. Here’s the first:

WELL, SHE’S A WOMAN, SO IT’S DIFFERENT:  #MeToo need not apply: Faculty support Ithaca College President after disclosure of 2001 sexual abuse conviction. “Ithaca College President Shirley M. Collado was accused of sexually abusing a female patient while working as a psychologist in Washington, D.C., in 2000 and was convicted of sexual abuse in 2001.”

Comment: Remember, sexual abuse is wrong only if committed by white males. Logic is out, the dialectic is in. Women and individuals “of color” can’t commit acts of sexual abuse. Deviating from this universal truth is sexist and racist. I’m surprised this linked article, which appears in Legal Insurrection, has even seen the light of day.

NEXT: And here’s the second of Glenn’s hellish headlines:

HIGHER EDUCATION BUBBLE UPDATE:  VIDEO: Law prof: says Department of Justice a ‘sh*thole.’

More than a dozen of students and professors blasted the Illinois College of Law last week, labeling it a “sh*thole” for hosting an event that featured a Department of Justice official.

According to the school’s calendar, the college of law sponsored last week’s lecture by Deputy Solicitor General Malcolm Stewart, who was invited by the university to discuss various topics relating to the justice system.

Students for Economic Empowerment UIUC organized the protest, using it as a platform to speak out against president Trump, despite the fact that Stewart has held his role since 2008.

The video footage obtained by Campus Reform depicts a visibly frustrated law professor, Francis Boyle, berating the Department of Justice and leading the protesters in an anti-Trump chant outside of the law building, with The Daily Illini confirming that it in fact Boyle who is featured in the video.

“And I say, it is the College of Law here, the ‘Trump College of Law,’ that brought out this high-level Trump henchman,” the professor said into the megaphone. “They are the s—-holes too. And I want everyone in there to hear exactly what we think about them.”

We keep hearing about how Trump has lowered the tone of public debate in America. I guess this is what people are talking about.

Comment: Ironically, this typical leftist prof is actually correct, but not in the way he imagined. The current Trump DOJ actually IS a “sh*thole.” That’s because it’s still mostly run by the Obama holdovers that essentially have continued to run it after Barry left the premises. It’s been little noted or reported that before departing the White House last fall, Obama made damned sure to bulletproof that deeply corrupted department for the left by transforming many of his key political legal appointees into career civil service employees. Government employees, as we all know here in the Swamp, are tough if not impossible to dislodge. That’s due to Civil Service regulations that, in this case, have been turned on their heads, the kind of perversion of the law that’s become common in this Democrat-ruled cesspool. That’s why I say Professor Boyle is actually correct in his complaint. The Trump DOJ is still essentially the Obama DOJ. A full year, more or less, after his Senate confirmation, Trump’s hapless AG Jeff Sessions isn’t really running the joint. But those “high-level Trump henchmen” he assails are actually high-level Obama henchmen. Case dismissed!

Lovely hellish headlines from Sunday’s online Daily Caller:

First, a front page headline in The DC:

“Trey Gowdy Isn’t Taking Any Schiff. He Took A wrecking Ball to Democrats’ Criticism Of The FISA Memo.”

Comment: Love that headline. The article’s money quote:

“I get that Adam Schiff and others are worried about what’s not in my memo,” Gowdy said on “Face The Nation.” “I wish that they were equally concerned about what’s not in the FISA application”

It’s hard to suppress a snarky laugh. Gowdy has been a ray of sunshine in The Swamp, and I’m sorry to hear he’s leaving after his current term in the House is up.

Here’s another fine example of hellish headlines from The DC:

“Elizabeth Warren: ‘We March In Pink Pussy Hats!’”

Comment: You gotta love that Faux-ahontas. Given this wealthy harpy’s high level of educational achievement, you also have to appreciate her elevated use of language and metaphor. Sez La Liz:

“‘Women know what it’s like to get talked over in meetings, passed over for promotions, and screwed over in salary negotiations–nevertheless, we persist.’

“‘We persist. We persist and we march! We march in pink pussy hats,’ she said while waving her arms around.”

The left’s juvenile stunting would be 100 percent laughable if they didn’t always manage to have Antifa thugs hanging around waiting to beat the crap out of you if you even snicker at idiocy like Warren’s. Run for President in 2020, Liz, please run!

Thought for the day: Seriously, what if men began marching through the streets wearing codpieces and brandishing big placards festooned with their latest dick pix?

For Super Bowl Sunday, good sport Don Surber, the Sage of West Virginia, opines on another aspect of the West’s decline with this most subtle of hellish headlines:

New generation of men doesn’t like football

Says Don:

A Wall Street Journal/NBC News poll found “just 51% of men aged 18 to 49 say they follow the NFL closely, down from 75% four years ago.”

So a bare majority of them cares about the NFL. This is the demographic group that produces the players and is the target of the NFL’s advertisers.

How do you market yourself as a national pastime when you allow — and encourage — players to protest the flag and the national anthem that pays tribute to that flag?

Comment: Good question. The answer is that this is what happens to your business when you succumb to the hard left’s Long March Through America’s Institutions. Just ask ESPN. Last one out, please turn off the lights and Save Our Planet.

We’ll conclude today’s column with that clip and comment. There’s plenty more where today’s news items came from.  But our SEO gods tell me my articles are too long for the average Internet reader today.


Terry Ponick

Biographical Note: Dateline Award-winning music and theater critic for The Connection Newspapers and the Reston-Fairfax Times, Terry was the music critic for the Washington Times print edition (1994-2010) and online Communities (2010-2014). Since 2014, he has been the Senior Business and Entertainment Editor for Communities Digital News (CDN). A former stockbroker and a writer and editor with many interests, he served as editor under contract from the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy (OSTP) and continues to write on science and business topics. He is a graduate of Georgetown University (BA, MA) and the University of South Carolina where he was awarded a Ph.D. in English and American Literature and co-founded one of the earliest Writing Labs in the country. Twitter: @terryp17