CDN’s Top 10 Most Powerful Bald White Guys (PBWGs) of 2019
LOS ANGELES — As Americans get ready to leave 2019 permanently in the dust, one of life’s eternal truisms still remains. Namely, when a crisis is spiraling out of control, find a Powerful Bald White Guy (PBWG) to set things right. Powerful Bald White Guys run the world. Giving PBWGs their due means bringing them out of their hiding places once a year.
Our original PBWG list was inspired by actor Dann Florek. He played Captain Donald Cragen on the long-running (and still running) series, “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.” Another great “Law and Order” PBWG was the late actor Fred Thompson. Although he went on to become a Tennessee Senator, Thompson remains forever engraved in our hearts for his portrayal of New York District Attorney Arthur Branch.
Our 2019 Powerful Bald White Guys List is forever dedicated to Austin Hill.
Austin Hill was only 51 years old when he passed away suddenly in late 2015. He was a beloved family man and longtime radio host based in Boise, Idaho. Hill was white, but he was actually not bald. He had thick, perfect hair. He just liked this annual list of PBWGs and gave it much more radio attention than it ever deserved. For his kindness and sense of humor, the PBWG list will hopefully keep Austin Hill’s memory alive for all eternity.
10.) Andy Lack/Jeff Zucker —
Lack is the lunkhead running and ruining NBC News and MSNBC. Jeff Zucker is the lunkhead running and ruining CNN. Both men are proof that PBWGs can survive almost anything, from incompetence to corruption.
Lack has kept his job despite covering up numerous sexual assault allegations against former “Today” show host and PBWG Matt Lauer. To protect Lauer, Lack even spiked a story on PBWG and original #MeToo sexual predator Harvey Weinstein. Zucker is not covering up multiple sexual assault allegations like Lack. But he is presiding over a ratings collapse, largely attributed to a major decline in audience numbers after the Mueller Russiagate report essentially exonerated President Trump, invalidating much of CNN’s endless reporting on the subject. Zucker transformed CNN into a 100% anti-Trump resistance network, oblivious to the fact that Lack already did that with MSNBC. If not for their paying airports to air CNN, this fast-declining cable network’s ratings would be approaching absolute zero.
9.) Carter Page —
This former CIA analyst was working for his country, the United States of America, allegedly at the expense of the Russians. Sadly for him, Obama CIA Chief and longtime PBWG John Brennan obtained warrants to spy on Page. Subsequently, Brennan and his cronies convinced FISA Court judges that Page was a Russian agent. The result? Spying on Page allowed America’s intelligence agencies to spy on the Trump presidential campaign including Trump himself. Now that Page has been vindicated, he can make millions on the speaking circuit telling his story. Unlike those who spied on him, Page has been exonerated and is expected to avoid prison.
8.) Sonny Perdue —
The former Georgia Governor is now America’s Agriculture Secretary. Like many PBWGs, Secretary Purdue’s power stems from most people not knowing what he actually does. It involves agriculture. In a world where every little thing is objectionable, Perdue has stayed largely under the radar. Everyone likes farmers, and desiring to have food on our tables is fairly non-controversial.
7.) Wilbur Ross —
The billionaire Commerce Secretary is responsible for implementing the Trump trade deals and keeping the economy humming. Ross is 82 and all personality, except for when he speaks. He is the perfect man for his job. Nobody seems to understand what he does, which is what makes him so powerful. Being a billionaire also helps.
6.) David Solomon —
The CEO of Goldman Sachs is usually America’s top PBWG since Goldman Sachs usually runs the world. Jon Corzine, Hank Paulson, Loyd Blankfein and now David Solomon all headed the politically connected Wall Street investment banking firm that is too big to fail. However, in the age of Trump, Wall Street is not as worshiped as it was among Republican voters in years past. The establishment donors still love them. But the grassroots are suspicious of them. David Solomon will at some point top this list when the anti-Wall Street sentiment calms down.
5.) Bernie Sanders —
There is zero chance that this 78-year-old Socialist answer to Oscar the Grouch will become President. If the Democratic National Committee fails to rig the nominating process against him as it did in 2016, he will get shellacked in the general election anyway. While he will lose the battle, he has already won the war for the heart and soul of the Democrat Party. Normal America has rejected socialism. But the Democrat Party, led by The Squad, has embraced it. Bernie will never be the messenger, but Democrats have accepted his message as the future of the party.
4.) John Brennan —
It is one thing to try to overthrow the government once, as John Brennan did when he organized an invented, anti-Trump Russia Collusion conspiracy out of thin air. It is quite another thing to try to overthrow the duly elected American government a second time. Brennan may be just a criminal, but he is a dedicated criminal. Once the Russia narrative collapsed, Brennan worked with a CIA analyst and friend Eric Ciaramella to create the current Ukraine controversy. When that fails, Brennan will choose another nation between Australia and Zimbabwe and use it to try to set up Trump once again. If Brennan avoids prison and succeeds in overthrowing the legally elected United States government, he will in 2020 absolutely be the top PBWG.
3.) Jeff Bezos —
He was the top PBWG last year as the world’s richest man and dorkiest logistics coordinator. After all, nothing inspires people, grabs headlines and screams sex appeal like supply-chain management. Bezos fell from the top spot when he mailed pictures of his genitalia to his mistress, who shared them with a friend. The picture went viral, and Bezos’s wife MacKenzie is now the world’s wealthiest woman. Even so, Bezos is still rich enough to be on this list.
2.) Stephen Miller —
He is one of the main architects of President Trump’s immigration policy. The Democrats and the media consider this policy controversial because it involves upholding existing American laws. Miller has driven his critics bonkers as they resort to comparing him to Adolf Hitler and calling him alt-right. But this is a surprise to Miller, who is Jewish. The definition of real power is driving your critics so crazy that they credit you with more power than you actually have. In reality, nobody influences President Trump. He sets policy. Miller survives not because he drives the train, but because he stays in the shadows, avoids the limelight, and does what the boss tells him to do.
1.) John Durham —
A guy trying to overthrow the Federal government is powerful. But a guy who can bring a coup plotter to justice is even more powerful. Attorney General Bill Barr hired no-nonsense prosecutor John Durham to look into the origins of the still ongoing coup attempt against President Trump. Durham is one Powerful Bald White Guy. He is tough as nails and has a reputation for being above politics. He used to be a prosecutor under Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder.
In addition to being a PBWG, he has a sinister looking beard and furrowed brows that convey seriousness. He has the power to hand down criminal indictments. Democrats desperately tried to rush impeachment of the President through before Durham could complete his work. That effort is failing. The 24/7 #NeverTrump media cannot stop him. Neither the “progressive” Democrats nor RINO Republicans can stop him either. Brennan cannot stop him. In fact, Brennan, Comey and Clapper are now on defense.
Our top PBWG
For his uncanny ability thus far to completely turn the tables on top white collar government criminals and seditionists, John Durham is as powerful a Powerful Bald White Guy as it gets. He has instilled fear in the highest echelons of the Deep State-corrupted Federal government without having issued a single indictment. (Yet.) He is powerful because those in his sights know those indictments are coming. Further, he does not communicate through the media. He is only talked about by the media. Those who speak don’t know anything, and the one man who truly knows refuses to speak. If he successfully prosecutes the Deep State — a big if — he could next year begin his race for the top PBWG of the next decade.
As for now, John Durham is definitely the top PBWG of 2019.
— Headline image: Screen grab, Fox News feature and discussion on the ongoing Russiagate investigation by US Atty. John Durham. John Durham inset to right. Note: All other images on this page via their respective entries in Wikipedia. Individual credits and Creative Commons license designations, where appropriate, are listed under each image.