CDN’s resident poet examines the weighty issue of weight

Italian kids, American kids, they’re all alike. They’re too fat. We know because the government says so. Here’s what all this is leading to, Nanny Bloomberg notwithstanding.

Mmmm! Cheetos on serving tray. (Via Wikipedia)

WASHINGTON, November 6, 2015 – Recently, while noshing on a bagel lathered thickly with cream cheese, I came across this disturbing headline from

Why are so many Italian children overweight?

With visions of roly-poly bambinos dancing in my head, I read on:

“The annual OECD health report released on Wednesday warned that rates of overweight and obese children would become a key issue for Italy over the coming years.

“The report stated that the number of overweight and obese children in Italy was ‘among the highest in the world’ and that this will ‘lead to a greater demand for healthcare in the future.’”

Hey, chocolate is good for you, right? (Via Wikipedia)
Hey, chocolate is good for you, right? (Via Wikipedia)

Terribile!” I muttered to myself, as I polished off yet another mug of thick, creamy hot chocolate.

I discovered things were no better stateside when I turned to the Washington Post for comfort. The headline there screamed:

The worst things you can feed to your children.

From a gastronomical point of view, it was nearly traitorous:

“Fish and chips, for instance, while a much adored English meal, might not be the right thing to regularly feed children, as Olga Khazan noted in the Atlantic. Nor are Cheetos, Doritos, Lays and other popular snacks — most of which are processed — in the United States. Or sodas, which, the researchers concluded, is a particularly important thing for parents to understand in the United States.

Yahoo! It's Mountain Dew! (Stylized logo via Wikipedia)
Yahoo! It’s Mountain Dew! (Via Wikipedia)

“Reducing the consumption of these beverages in the United States is likely to have a greater positive impact on weight outcomes than in the United Kingdom.”

I could only shake my head in disbelief, as I popped open a fresh can of Mountain Dew.

What are today’s parent’s thinking, feeding all this junk to their children?

This life-threatening crisis must be addressed in the sternest possible manner . . . with a limerick:

There once was a fat child named Tommy
who loved to eat lots of pastrami.
This his parents forbade
When they saw what he weighed.
But too late… he’s just eaten his mommy!  

Norman Chaney, aka (trigger warning) Chubby, aka (trigger warning) Chubbsy-Ubbsy, gets it done in a "Little Rascals" short. (Vintage Our Gang Comedies still)
Norman Chaney, aka (trigger warning) Chubby, aka (trigger warning) Chubbsy-Ubbsy, gets it done in a “Little Rascals” short. (Vintage Our Gang Comedies still)

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