The transgender bandwagon, goodbye A-Jack and more gripping news

Speaking of the gender pay gap, why don’t Democrats just demand that all women in the workforce identify as males? Same bathrooms, same pay. Problem solved, right?

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PHOENIX, April 24 2016 – The Treasury Department announced that Harriet Tubman will replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. For those of you who don’t know, Tubman was a former slave, abolitionist and Union spy during the Civil War. And for those of you who don’t know (like anyone educated during the last 30 years), Jackson was the seventh president of the United States.

In an impressively progressive mood, Treasury plans to replace the image of President Andy Jackson, a Democrat, with an image of gun-totin' Underground Railroad heroine Harriet Tubman, a Republican. Wonder if they'll use this image... (Civil War era woodcut, public domain via Wikipedia entry on Tubman)
In an impressively progressive mood, Treasury plans to replace the image of President Andy Jackson, a Democrat, with an image of gun-toting Underground Railroad heroine Harriet Tubman, a Republican. Wonder if they’ll use this image… (Civil War era woodcut, public domain via Wikipedia entry on Tubman)

Andrew Jackson (he’d no doubt be dubbed A-Jack in today’s parlance) was a Democrat, while Harriet Tubman was a gun-toting Republican. Go figure.

If one believes the Democratic mantra about the gender pay gap, that a woman makes only 79% of what a man makes, does that mean that the Tubman $20 bill will only be worth $15.80?

Speaking of the gender pay gap, why don’t Democrats just demand that all women in the workforce identify as males? Same bathrooms, same pay. Problem solved, right?


Alexander Hamilton was under consideration for removal from the $10 bill. However, he was apparently saved from such ignominy thanks in no small part to a recent Broadway musical about him. I was not aware that Hamilton was really much of a song and dance man, but whatever works, I guess.

President Obama, looking for a way to cement his legacy once he leaves office, is hoping to produce “Obamacare: The Musical.” Naturally, he will star as himself. Meryl Streep is being considered for the Nancy Pelosi role and Alec Baldwin is all but locked up to star as Harry Reid. I have been told the epic final number, “If You Like Your Doctor…We Were Just Kidding,” is a real show stopper.

On the topic of transgender bathrooms, ESPN baseball analyst and former major league pitcher Curt Schilling was fired by the network for committing the unpardonable sin of suggesting that men are, biologically speaking, men. Fearing a backlash from men who identify as something other than men (such as women, goats, llamas, small kitchen appliances and the Taco Bell Quesalupa), ESPN released a statement claiming that it is an inclusive company. Naturally, this is easy to confirm by looking at all of the transgender on-air personalities at the network. (I’ve always wondered about Chris Berman.)

ESPN firmly believes that any man, except Curt Schilling, can be anything he wants to be, except a baseball analyst on ESPN.

Last week Target posted a blog that said in part “We believe that everyone – every team member, every guest, and every community – deserves to be protected from discrimination, and treated equally. We welcome transgender team members and guests to use the restroom or fitting room facility that corresponds with their gender identity.”

Not to stop there, I think we all anxiously await Target’s next blog post when it will announce that for those who are gender questioning (the Qs of the LBGTQ community), stores will open new “Ten Genders or Less” checkout aisles.

The owner of a Mankato, Minnesota auto body repair shop was recently arrested for allegedly paying his employees a half gram of methamphetamine for overtime pay in lieu of actual money. I haven’t yet been able to figure out this whole bitcoin thing yet and now we’ve got meth as currency? Maybe I’m just not up to speed (pardon the pun), but I can’t really figure out how one deposits that in an ATM.

Economists have predicted that inflation in that shining example of 21st century socialism, Venezuela, will reach 720% this year. This sounds bad until one realizes that there aren’t any goods in the country to buy anyway. Whether a loaf of bread costs $2 or $2 million is irrelevant if there is no bread to buy. Needless to say, if there ever is any bread on store shelves, it’ll take a lot of Harriet Tubmans to buy a loaf.

The Venezuelan government has instituted mandatory power rationing. The country with one of the world’s largest known oil reserves can’t seem to keep the lights on. Socialism – where the only thing in abundance is misery.

No word yet on how the transgender bathroom debate is going in Venezuela.

Earth Day came and went. Many of the original founders of Earth Day treat it not as a day of celebration, but a somber day of remembrance. Those folks didn’t think the planet would still be around some 46 years after the original Earth Day. They are a depressing bunch that believed mankind should have already starved itself to death. Yet, they do see a glimmer of hope – in Venezuela. (See above.)

Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager stated he believes this election is about trust. I will let that comment stand as is. Last I heard, the laughter had still not died down.

Speaking of trust, Virginia governor and former Clinton bundler Terry McAuliffe signed an order to restore voting rights of 206,000 former felons. Recent national polling shows 57% of all voters don’t trust Hillary Clinton. Perhaps among Virginia ex-cons that percentage is slightly lower? Democrats have been desperately trying to find any constituency with which Hillary Clinton has something in common. With this stroke, I believe they have hit pay dirt.

According to the Daily Caller, a Canadian high school basketball player in Canada apparently is a little beyond his high school years. Well, actually, he’s 30. Jonathan Nicola, the six foot, nine inch South Sudan native, claimed to be 17 when he arrived Windsor, Canada last November.

Hey, it could happen to anybody. So, he’s 30, big deal. Isn’t it the age that one identifies with that counts? Isn’t one’s birth year assignment kind of arbitrary? If he said he’s a female he could use the women’s restroom. If he says he’s 17, why can’t he play on a high school basketball team. Granted, going through the teenage years once is unpleasant enough, I don’t know why anyone would want to do it twice. But who are we to judge, right?

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Curtice Mang earned a Political Science degree after attending college during the depths of the Carter Administration, a time where the only thing worse than the Carter malaise was Disco. He is the author of two books of political humor, The Smell of Politics: The Good, The Bad, and The Odorous and The Constitution – I’m Not Kidding and Other Tales of Liberal Folly. He has worked in the insurance industry for over 30 years and is also a high school basketball coach. In addition to CommDigiNews, Curtice contributes to multiple conservative websites, including Broadside News, Front Lines and What Would the Founders Think. He can be found at www.mangwrites.com, where his books are also available for purchase for a song (and the cover price). Contact Curtice at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @curticemang. He can also be found wandering about on Facebook and Google+. His views are his own - mostly because no one else would claim them.