WASHINGTON, February 13, 2018: Just in time for Valentine’s Day, my bank decided it was time for me to change my password security questions. Again. Yes, I know it’s for my own good, but think about it. How many times a year and for how many different accounts are we required to change our password security questions? Yeah, I know, it’s for our own good. But still…
Making matters worse, once a given institution has forced you to change your password security questions two or three times, each successive menu of potential questions offers more and more obscure questions for you to choose from. That makes it harder not only to pick a question but to come up with an answer you’re likely to remember the next time the institution challenges your ability to log on.
Recently, I was essentially forced to choose the following two password security “challenge” questions, given that the remaining choices were even more obscure:
- What was your childhood telephone number?
- Where were you on New Year’s Day 2000?
Let’s see. My childhood number was… no, wait, it was only 7 digits. That was so long ago that you didn’t even need to use an area code if you called your number from the same area code, because that wasn’t “long distance.” (Remember long distance? Remember collect calls? Remember the day of the month you get your Social Security Check?)
Now, for question Number 2: Where was I on New Year’s Day 2000? Who the heck knows? I can’t remember, officer. If one has consumed enough adult beverages by the stroke of midnight, who even cares? Except that I probably only consumed two beverages, officer. Really. Seriously.
I recently got an email (or maybe a Facebook “Status Update”) from a highly placed anonymous source – you know, the same sort of highly secretive source the MSM consults all the time. He/she/it helpfully suggested an even more obscure selection of potential password security questions that may be more closely in tune with our own times. Enjoy.
Fashionably nihilistic password security questions:
- What is the name of your least favorite child?
- In what year did you abandon your dreams?
- What is the maiden name of your father’s mistress?
- At what age did your childhood pet run away?
- What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
- In what city did you first experience ennui?
- What is your ex-wife’s newest last name?
- What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
- What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
- What was the middle name of your first rebound?
- On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
- When did you stop trying?
- How would you kill yourself?
- In what bar did you first drink yourself sick?
- Who was the first celebrity who treated you like dirt?
- With what long-desired mistress were you first unable to perform?
- Where was your first panic attack?
- What dose of Valium usually sets you straight?
- Where did you bounce your first check?
- What state is the most excruciating to drive across?
- What restaurant made you first consider vegetarianism?
Perhaps our readers have other helpful examples? If you do, drop us a line in the comments section below and let us in on your secret. And yes, we really do have a comments section. It’s located way down below all the important messages that follow this piece.
BTW, link to a couple of these sites and spend money there. I need the revenue.