Stocks and bonds and oil, oh my! For bears and bulls alike

CDN’s resident poet-pundit opines on the current Wall Street madness. Where’s the SEC? Who’s in charge? Let’s get some answers in verse.

Stocks and bonds are lost in the funhouse today, just like characters in a pointless novel. (Image via Wikipedia)

WASHINGTON, January 29, 2016 – Recently, we read the following informational tidbit in the Wall Street Journal 

“Stocks rebounded from a January selloff, pushing the Dow industrials up 211 points to their first weekly gain of the year, even as high volatility and mixed economic signals continue to perplex investors.”

The market’s up again Friday, after eviscerating investors’ portfolios for most of January. Who knows where stocks will head in February?

Frankly, I don’t know why I read the Wall Street Journal. I never understand more than about ten percent of all the gobbledygook they publish. I don’t even own a single, stinking share of any kind of stock or bond anymore. I sold out years ago to pay off my child support. Looks like I got out while the getting was good.

Now, if the WSJ gave tips on applying for EBT or where to find subsidized housing, I would gladly wade through their jargon.

However, I guess I still share in the American folie de grandeur that somehow I’m still going to strike it rich. So I guess I’d better keep reading a sound financial newspaper like the WSJ to keep up with the latest investment strategies, just like all those other financial big shots . . .

The blue-chip index rises high. The Dow ascends as well.
But China’s weakened yuan has made the future hard to tell.
The stimulus of central banks has worn off, while that binge
of crude oil selling sure is making traders cringe.
Portfolios have lost their way, their managers abashed
by mem’ries of two-thousand-eight, when all investments crashed.
Those rising U.S. interest rates have left conflicting signs
that give to Europe’s satraps lots of little worry lines. 
Growth is soft and no one wants commodities at all;
along with stocks and bonds they’re fated for another fall.
Commercial lenders have retreated; markets have them scared.
The IMF is back-peddling, no brokerages are spared. 
The best advice investors need to stay above the throng:
Just liquidate and spend it all on wine and babes and song….

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