WASHINGTON, May 4, 2018: In my last article, I discussed how to sharpen your influencing skills. I noted as well Robert Cialdini’s HBR article, Harnessing the Science of Persuasion. Today’s article focuses on building effective relationships and your emotional intelligence.
An effective influencer builds strong relationship foundations by taking the time and cultivating those relationships. As an effective influencer, you have to make the effort to grow the relationship and build trust as you go along. By doing so, you will exponentially improve your ability to influence others. If you don’t take this step, more than likely your influence techniques will be ineffective.
For example, I tell my clients who plan to attend networking functions to avoid making the event just about collecting business cards. Instead, I tell them to talk to several people and start to build relationships. While you are getting to know each other better, you are building trust. As the relationship grows, you naturally enhance your influencing skills.
Understanding Emotional Intelligence (EI) helps you achieve your goal to become an influencer. In fact, the skills learned through Emotional Intelligence are being used more and more today. While IQ measures verbal fluency, Daniel Goleman’s work with EI leads to important elements of success. EI taps into people’s emotional and social skills. It is the dimension of intelligence that is responsible for managing ourselves and our relationships with others.
According to Goleman,
“[P]eople adept at influence are able to sense or even anticipate people’s reactions to their message and can effectively carry everyone along to their intended goal. While personal influence is the ability to inspire others through example, work, and deeds, it is also the ability to confront issues that are important to relationships, goals, missions, or visions.
“When I was recently coaching a group of leaders, several of the group expressed more interest in the hard skills such as ‘show me results’ and ‘give me the bottom line.’ While the hard skills are of course necessary, it is clear that if you don’t blend them with the softer skills you won’t have anyone to lead! This applies to both professional and personal situations.”
Great results and outcomes in influencing others incorporate the softer skills of empathy, compassion, and self-awareness. These skills are adept at getting desirable responses in others such as influence building bonds, collaboration and cooperation. EI elements, or the soft skills, cannot only get the results you want in the present, they can pave the way for future successful results.
Emotional Intelligence leads to Emotional Competence
The Emotional Competence Framework is made up of the following.
- Personal Competence: How We Manage Ourselves including Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Motivation; and
- Social Competence: How We Manage Relationships including Empathy and Social Skills.
Goleman believes empathy is a crucial ingredient supporting influence. He says
“It is difficult to have a positive impact on others without first sensing how they feel and understanding their position.”
In conclusion, here are a few tips for the next time you are looking to influence others:
- Use an influence strategy that is best for the situation at hand
- Inspire interest
- Build a coalition or get ‘buy-in’
- Have a positive impact on those you want to influence
For more Information Contact:
Susan Commander Samakow, PCC, CPCC
Certified Professional Coach Focusing on Confidence & Resilience Strategies and Transition
301-706-7226 & 703-574-0039
Ask Susan about her coaching packages and the Stress Reducing techniques she teaches: EFT (Tapping) and Breathing Exercises.