What if a government shuts down in the forest?

What if a government shuts down in the forest?

by -
0 434

If a government shuts down in the forest and nobody is around to see or hear it, have any of our lives been impacted?

LOS ANGELES — Forget the trees. If a government shuts down liberals predict the death of 70,000 seniors, how many minutes have to go by before this becomes another leftist prediction fiction?

With political chaos on the horizon, life will go on.

With political chaos on the horizon, life will go on.

If heaven forbid a tornado hits at 12:03am and kills 1,000 people, does this mean that Wasserman-Schultz is now a Jewish prophet?

If only non-essential services are shut down, why should people care?

If these services are non-essential, why do we even have them? Why is government doing them? Shouldn’t it spend more time on something essential like national security or fixing the economy?

Given that President Obama is fairly non-essential to most people, should he shut himself down and refuse to run again? He does not need to be President to play golf. Plenty of retired people in Florida play golf.

They do almost as little besides that as he does.

Given that the Democrats controlled everything in 2010, why did they not pass a budget? Shouldn’t their pay be docked? Would President Obama be willing to reduce the deficit by $400,000 by making his presidential pay merit based?

Isn’t it cruel for President Obama to go to sleep early and keep Harry Reid up all night? Reid is starting to look like Terry Kiser in “Weekend at Bernie’s,” but less lively. For a powerful guy, he does not seem to be having any fun.

Given that Republicans offered to fund the military for the rest of the year on the next continuing resolution, shouldn’t President Obama sign that bill or just admit that the troops are props to him?

If the parks are closed for a few days, will liberals take time to pick up the signs and other trash they left there from their last Earth Day celebration?

Will all parks be shut down? What about Bert Parks? Is he still allowed to sing at the Miss America pageant? What about Bernard Parks? Will he be forced to retire from the Los Angeles City Council? What about Rosa Parks? If her children are not allowed to ride the buses, will Republicans be accused of racism or will they have the courage to stand up and admit that nobody is riding the buses if they are shut down?

What do Snooki and Lady Gaga think of the government shutdown? You know Barbara Walters and the other imbeciles on “The View” are dying to know.

If Timothy Leary could tell people to “turn on, tune in, drop out,” should the new slogan for politicians be “shut down, sit down, and shut up?”

Why would tax refunds be delayed but not tax payments? Why should people be forced to send in tax returns that will just sit idly by?

Will bread companies unable to get business loans have to become Matzoh companies just in time for Passover? If so, is this proof of the worldwide Jewish conspiracy?

Would it be a better use of Mr. Obama’s time if he spent more time trying to shut down the current Libyan government rather than our own?

Will Mr. Obama follow the tradition of JFK and Bill Clinton and use the Spring Break to sample the interns?

Given that defective liberals known as progressives “run” the government, how will Flo from the Progressive Insurance Company be affected? Will this benefit the animal rights activists, who most likely support the Geico Gekko? Will the Progresso soup company go Regresso?

Is the Geico Gekko related to Gordon Gekko? If so, does this prove that greed is good, and that Wall Street Republicans are to blame for everything since the inception of time?

Given that Mr. Obama still insists that he is a guy’s guy who understands sports, can he use his time to do something useful? Will he solve the only shutdown that actually matters and end the NFL lockout?

Given that Hollywood worships Obama, wouldn’t it be appropriate for Hollywood to show solidarity with Obama and shut down as well? Isn’t it time for another writers’ strike anyway?

Like a government shutdown, wouldn’t the impasse be as impactful as striking French workers? I mean, ff the French go on strike, how can you tell?

Will Wisconsin union workers be allowed to go back on strike given that we are still not sure what they actually do anyway?

Will you care? Will I care? WILL I AM? Should “Let’s get it started” now become “Let’s get it stopped?”

If the answer is in reference to this column, the answer is yes.

In honor of the government, I am now shutting down for the day. Like the president some of you voted for, the impact of my negligence will be negligible.

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. After years of dating liberals, he has finally seen the light and now only dates Republican Jewish women. His family is pleased over this. Republican, Jewish women, you may contact Eric above.

Read more of Eric’s work at The Tygrrrr Express at the Communities at the Washington Times.

Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2011 Communities Digital News

This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities Digital News, LLC. Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.

Correspondingly, Communities Digital News, LLC uses its best efforts to operate in accordance with the Fair Use Doctrine under US Copyright Law and always tries to provide proper attribution. If you have reason to believe that any written material or image has been innocently infringed, please bring it to the immediate attention of CDN via the e-mail address or phone number listed on the Contact page so that it can be resolved expeditiously.