The 2016 election: Scarier than Halloween

The 2016 election: Scarier than Halloween

Halloween scares are for fun, but on November 8, the monsters are real. Clinton has already raised the dead to vote, and the Witch's sabbath is coming.

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SAN JOSE, October 31, 2016 — Halloween for most Americans is a holiday celebrating things that terrify us. We do strange and scary things like putting on scary masks or dreadful makeup, going to haunted houses and watching horror movies.

This year, Halloween is less scary than the presidential election. This year’s campaign has plunged into the bizarre. The candidates were scary enough, but who would have thought that a ghoul like Anthony Weiner would stumble in to terrorize Hillary Clinton?

We decorate our homes with spider webs and graves to welcome young ghouls and goblins. President Obama has transformed the White House into the haunt of something more terrifying: uncanny political creatures who wear human faces to look like normal Americans. They sound and look like us, but behind their eyes, there’s something wrong.

Creatures like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and Black Lives Matter (a New Black Panthers front group) wear masks of inclusiveness and concern that cover angry, racist sentiments.

Clinton, trying to take back the White House for the Clinton Machine, wears the mask of a loving grandmother and experienced politician. But sometimes the mask slips, revealing ice-cold eyes and a rictus grin. She wants us to be happy, but first, let her sew our mouths shut and stitch buttons over our eyes.

The Clinton Foundation is a witches’ orgy of trick-or-treat. Or call it “pay for play.” We want to empower young women, but SUPRISE! meet donor and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein! Here are donors from the governments of Qatar and Saudi Arabia, ready to grab young girls’ crotches with knives for fingers!

Little princesses and pirates wander our streets looking for candy, while politicians in their uncanny human masks stalk our neighborhoods and prowl Washington, trying to convince us to let them into the people’s house (they can’t come in uninvited) while they rummage our pockets for cash.

Liberals pretend to be moderates while Republicans pretend to be conservative. Yet some of those Republicans plan to vote for Clinton. Representative Stephen King of New York said on “Morning Joe” that he hates Ted Cruz and would rather take cyanide if Cruz won the GOP nomination. Shove the GOP in a grave and burry it alive, Mr. King.

Some Democrats have been freaked out by the acid drip of WikiLeaks revelations, eating away Clinton’s mask to reveal the ghastly obscenity beneath. Horror movies? How about videos of Clinton operatives masquerading as Bernie Sanders supporters to attack and Donald Trump’s supporters? No one is what he or she seems to be.

The biggest trick this year is the charade of a legitimate presidential election with actual voting and all. The political parties have decided that voting is not as efficient as just designating the “most qualified” candidate to run for the presidency.

For the Democrats, creating the appearance of a legitimate primary selection process was not much of a concern. The super delegates stripped away the façade of democracy in the Democratic Party. They came to the party without costumes, spat in the punchbowl, and led by a banshee calling itself Debbie Wasserman Schultz, devoured anyone who mistook them for people.

The Republicans at least wore kitty ears, but little else in Colorado’s “no vote victory” for Ted Cruz. New York’s Board of Elections pulled a magic trick more frightening than any horror flick: They made thousands of citizens simply disappear from the records. Between them, Republicans and Democrats gave Americans a brutal and horrifying lesson in exercising their franchise as voters.

Early voting is underway, and the undead have risen. One hundred percent of World War One veterans have voted for Clinton, the Democrats agains demonstrating their unparalleled skills at necromancy. They will go to the ends of the earth and into the depths of hell to see that everyone votes. The walking dead are mobbing the polls.

Many of the living may be too frightened or discouraged to vote. They have enough to worry about without braving necromancers, banshees and zombies. And many of their friends and neighbors have been replaced by pod people; America is in the midst of an Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And what they are snatching is America’s heart and soul.

Halloween and horror movies and scary stories are just that–stories. The chills and screams are in fun, and we laugh about them after the shock. This year’s election is real, and nothing about it is in fun. And the scariest part is yet to come.

Enjoy Halloween. On November 8, the monsters will be real. They’ll smile with human faces, but they’ll be welcoming us into a world that isn’t quite what we think it is, with empty button eyes and dead hearts, and something unutterably cold and alien behind their smiles.

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