Pennsylvania assault: The answer to knife violence is cutlery ban

Pennsylvania assault: The answer to knife violence is cutlery ban

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WASHINGTON, April 10, 2014 — In the wake of the most recent mass stabbing event we are provided a shocking reminder that knife violence still runs rampant throughout our country. It is time, as it was with assault rifles, to address the overwhelming concerns that the people of the United States have for knife violence, and the disgust they display towards dangerous fixed and folding weapons that do nothing but cause harm.

Legislation needs to be passed. Assuredly, politicians in Washington are gearing up for a lengthy and costly campaign, after such violence, to address the need for knife control reform.

It is time to ban knives.

According to the FBI, in 2011 knives and other cutting tools were responsible for five times (1,684) the fatalities as rifles (323) or shotguns (356) (but not as much as total firearms). Remember the rage against the ownership of “assault” rifles? Well, given that knives seem to pose a much greater threat to the safety of Americans than rifles of any classification seem to pose, one can expect that the outrage and the cries of fury to push for knife control are going to be exponentially louder and more vehement.

Obviously, knowing that knives kill five times as many people a year than rifles, the Brady Campaign and Mothers Demand Action will march on Washington and demand that something be done about the national knife epidemic. We can expect to see the Brady Knife Bill, forcing the registration of all knives except those intended for hunting and cooking.

We can expect the Dianne Feinstein Anti-Pruning Blades bill, which seeks to curtail the ownership of knives deemed “easily concealable” by the US government.

We can expect to see Michael Moore and Harvey Weinstein produce a film starring Meryl Streep hoping to expose the evil and corruption within the US knife making industry, and their lobbyists in Washington.

We can expect Nancy Pelosi to demand that John Boehner bring her bill, The Pelosi “Ban Everything Scary” Act of 2014, to the floor for an immediate vote. And those who don’t vote for it hate children and sunshine sparkles.

And of course we can expect President Obama to order a study into knife violence, to tell the country that 90% of them believe what he wants them to believe, and to demand that weapons of the kitchen do not belong on our streets.

It goes without saying that the very powerful knife lobby, clinging to their blades and their bibles, will undoubtedly use their dirty lobbyist money they gained from scared knife owners unable to realize that the right to bear arms is limited to the kinds of knives present during the Revolution. The knife lobby, and their supporters, who wants to put knives in the hands of children and throw grandmothers holding puppies off of fiscal cliffs will undoubtedly fight tooth and nail against any legislation prohibiting the free use of knives by the untrained, unwashed, plebian Americans who don’t know any better. The knife lobby could not be reached for comment.

But they will of course, defend the right for all to own knives, and they will do so under the pretext of their precious 2nd Amendment which of course guarantees the right to bear arms, but as everyone knows that right only pertains to arms present during the American Revolution. Today, we have knives made out of titanium, aluminum, and every other kind of metal that was not available for use back during the formation of the 2nd Amendment. It only follows that most knives could potentially be categorized as illegal today as they are not covered under the Bill of Rights.

On the other side, with as many as 20 injured in the most recent Philadelphia knife attack, knife rights activists are bracing for an onslaught of proposed legislation aimed at limiting their right to bear knives.

In the wake of Sandy Hook and Aurora, both of which were shooting perpetrated with a semi-automatic rifle, the outcry by the media and the political left was deafening to do something about curtailing the access to these weapons. It only follows that those supporters of knife rights will begin buying up all of the fixed and folding blades that they can get their hands on. Knife prices will go through the roof as collectors and misguided enthusiasts scramble to get their hands on those dangerous kitchen accessories. Wet stones and sheaths will be scarce, as Homeland Security moves to purchase 1.6 trillion knives over the next five years for training purposes. The Knife Lobby will not be able to hold back this onslaught of righteous pain and indignation.

Despite the fact that nearly every household in the United States has a knife, they cannot be trusted with them. Despite the fact that the extremely low knife ownership rate to knife involved violent crime, it is time to do something about knives.

Communities Digital News has in fact obtained leaked information concerning a potential Knife Control Bill. The Bill, “The Assault Knife Banning Act of 2014” is summarized below.

“First, we have to define what constitutes an assault knife. Let’s look at some features.

-All knives between 1.5” and 24”.

-All knives that have serrated edges

-All folding knives

-All knives with black handles with ghost clips

-All double edged knives with blade shrouds

-Knives meant for military use, or assault knives

-Throwing knives

-High powered knives

-Any knife that was not around when the Founding Fathers wrote the 2nd Amendment

-Potato peelers with flash hiders and muzzle breaks

Of Course, all law enforcement will be exempted from this bill, as well as postal workers, and my book club.”

The information was leaked on a confidential basis, and the name of the lawmaker left out of the text.

If Congress does not act, we can expect to see the states enacting strict anti-knife laws, which will of course will cause manufacturers producing in those states to relocate to more blade friendly environs.

As some Congressmen have already suggested, all knives within the home should be registered with the government. Once you register your knife you will be issued a BS card, or Blade Security Card. The BS card will have the serial number and tracking device which will allow the government to know where all knife owners are at all times. In order to oversee these registrations, the ATFE will be amended to include Knives under their purveyance. If the BS card is not renewed as is proposed every year with a $200 fee, the ATFEK will forcibly remove the weapon and incarcerate the owner without trial for three years.

We all know that any proposed legislation will not go anywhere, the powerful knife lobby with their slick lawyers and iron chefs will no doubt scare the public sufficiently to thwart any meaningful effort to reduce violent crime.

The only answer is to pass laws at the state level establishing knife free zones, making it far more difficult for potential attackers to bring dangerous weapons into places with signs clearly telling them that such behavior will not be tolerated. Those Neanderthals at the Knife Lobby will undoubtedly throw countless dollars at the opponent of any politician who stands on the right side of history, and demands action against knife violence. Because we all know how powerful and influential the knife lobby is.

We wait, with bated breath, as the compassionate, loving, and understanding Democratic leaders in Washington prepare an all-out assault on knife violence, and begin dismantling the knife industry down to the hilt.

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