LOS ANGELES, December 21, 2013—The political silly season has Americans debating about Duck Dynasty and the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD).
For those not paying attention, a guy known for saying offensive stuff said offensive stuff. Other people known for constantly being easily offended and complaining were easily offended and complained. Television executives known for throwing principles under the bus when political pressure is applied threw principles under the bus when political pressure was applied. Executives are also known for reversing themselves when their financial bottom line is threatened so they will most likely reverse themselves now that their financial bottom line is being threatened.
Such is the saga of the Duck Dynasty Dad (nee Phil Robertson, herein referred to as D3).
Lost in the imbroglio deep between the land of brouhaha and kerfuffle are a ton of unanswered questions about D3 and other issues worthy of…well, something.
Arts and Entertainment Network (A&E) placed the D3 on “permanent hiatus.” How is this possible? Isn’t a hiatus temporary by definition? Does any executive at a network dedicated to the arts own a thesaurus?
Should the D3 supporters put A&E Network on permanent hiatus? Is A&E without Duck Dynasty merely the Lifetime Channel? Is A&E without Duck Dynasty as lost as President Obama without Valerie Jarrett?
This saga is about a man who is just a Southern redneck who shoots ducks for attention and pushed anti-gay stuff. Will GLAAD ever stop obsessing over Bill Clinton and the (Defense of Marriage Act) DOMA?
If the D3 made his comments the same week as Nelson Mandela’s death, which story would have been ignored? Did Mandela’s doctors take him off life support early to avoid competing with the D3 news cycle?
Should any organization calling itself GLAAD stop constantly complaining? They are like Moveon, who never will. For a group of glad people who won every major political battle, why are they always so grumpy?
Should GLAAD be outraged with the D3 for canceled health plans, Iran getting a bomb, IRS abuses, NSA spying, Benghazi, a failed economy, and everything else not already the fault of Sarah Palin and George W. Bush?
Many Christians may disagree with gays, but they shoot ducks, not people. Radical Muslims just murder the gays. Would GLAAD have spoken out against the D3 if he was a Muslim rather than a Christian?
Should Cracker Barrel be boycotted for boycotting Duck Dynasty? Should Cracker Barrel be boycotted for failing to understand who its own customers are? Most importunity, should Cracker Barrel be boycotted for having a racist company name? Should executives be forced to take sensitivity classes and change its name to Honky Barrel, Oppressor Barrel, or Colonizer Barrel?
In his younger years, did the D3 date any women who were triple-D?
Should the D3 and his family have the right to hunt PajamaBoy?
President Obama is boycotting the Sochi 2014 Olympics over Vladimir Putin’s anti-gay comments. Is it possible that D3 has nothing against gays but is doing whatever it takes to get Obama to boycott his city? Will non-bigoted men across America try this strategy?
President Obama and PajamaBoy have never been seen in the same room at the same time. Are they the same person? Will the lazy media bother to investigate this?
Are the D3 and his family really evangelical Christians? Outside of the Amish, Christians are the main Western religion not requiring lengthy scraggly beards. If the Robertson family were al Qaeda or Orthodox Jews, would GLAAD be more tolerant?
Between the D3, GLAAD, and A&E, are Americans finally sick of acronyms? Should Jennifer Lopez be blamed for becoming J-Lo and turning Millennials into lazy texters unwilling to write full words?
Should everyone involved in this non-issue be praised for allowing America to go a couple days without hearing about a Kardashian?
Would a columnist write an entire column about a topic he cares little about just to get page views? Are columnists truly as unprincipled as network executives and leftist grievance-mongers?
These and other burning questions will be answered unless they never are.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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