When a best friend dies

When a best friend dies

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Over 70 million pet dogs in the U.S. make for a powerful testimonial to the natural bond between humans and dogs.

Photos courtesy of Laurie Edwards-Tate

SAN DIEGO, Nov. 17, 2015 —Over 70 million pet dogs in the U.S. are a testament to the natural bond between humans and dogs.

According to a Japanese research team led by Takefumi Kikusui at Azab University’s School of Veterinary Medicine, dogs are the only animals that have a neurological connection to man.

It is believed that it is the result of thousands of years of co-evolutional human-dog-bonding.

Upon gazing into each other’s eyes, both human and dog produce the hormone oxytocin, which creates a feel-good response.

Very few humans could deny the pure joy experienced as their family dog barks for joy, wags its tail and generously supplies wet kisses upon their return home.

Dogs provide companionship, protection and unconditional love to those they consider their people.

Many dog owners believe that their canine is a member of their family and include him/her in their daily activities, outdoor adventures, special events, birthdays, holiday celebrations and family vacations.

The family dog also shares life’s ups, downs, joys and sorrows, becoming intuitively attuned to the emotional well-being of their family members.

Losing a family dog is devastating.

No matter the cause of the loss of a dog, whether by accident, illness or aging-related issues, it is impossible to fully prepare for the extent to which grief is felt.

In a 1988 study by the Journal of Mental Health Counseling, cited in the Washington Post, the human research subjects tended to rate their dogs as closer to them than a family member.

In the same study, approximately 38 percent rated their dog as their closest family member.

Losing a dog can be as painful for some pet owners as losing a human family member.

Though some may suggest that the death of a dog is not as significant, the grieving process is very real and extremely painful.

Every individual copes with and experiences the loss of a family dog in his or her own unique way.

There is no perfect solution for the grieving process, and it can take many months, even years, to come to terms with the loss.

Similar to the grief experienced at the loss of a human family member, the emotional roller coaster of anger, guilt and depression which are natural reactions can eventually lead to acceptance.

There is no cure for grief and the resulting emotional turmoil it can create.

As the emotional pain subsides over time, it can return unexpectedly in the form of a bittersweet memory, triggered by a sound or an event.

Fala was one of the great American dogs, and was a Christmas gift to Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Fala is the only dog honored with a statue at a Presidential memorial. Photo courtesy of Cliff/flickr
Fala, one of the great American dogs, was a Christmas gift to Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Fala is the only dog honored with a statue at a presidential memorial.
(Photo courtesy of Cliff/flickr)

The American Kennel Club offers the following suggestions for coping with the loss of a dog.

  • Express grief openly and freely
  • Make an effort to be thankful for the positive, joyful experiences
  • Spend time with others who have lost a dog
  • Seek bereavement groups for other dog owners
  • Be sensitive to the loss experienced by all family members, including other pets
  • Memorialize the life of the beloved family dog
  • Donate to a dog-related charity in honor of the dog
  • Place a tribute ad at dog shows, on dog-related websites and in similar venues
  • Take time to grieve before bringing home a new dog
  • A new family dog deserves to be celebrated for his/her own uniqueness and personality

If a family dog is suffering from an illness or struggling due to the normal issues associated with aging, it is difficult to recognize and accept when it is time forhim to be compassionately euthanized.

The following guidelines from the Dog Breed Info Center are helpful for identifying when it is time to say a painful goodbye.

Signs to look for which can indicate that a dog’s health is declining:

  • Not eating or drinking
  • Withdrawn or lethargic
  • Neglecting himself
  • Incontinence
  • Signs of pain–crying when touched
  • Cannot get comfortable
  • Unwilling to move about
  • Tumors and/or injuries
  • Unable to hold head up when at rest

Discussing any of the above symptoms with a qualified veterinarian is recommended to help determine which ones are treatable, or if it is time to say goodbye.

Each family dog brings a unique life experience for the humans who share his/her life.

For the millions of Americans who are fortunate enough to share their life’s journey with a family dog, the experience will forever enrich their lives, long after their beloved canine has died and gone to a peaceful place of eternal rest.

“Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die…”

-Mary Frye

Until next time, enjoy the ride in good health!

Laurie Edwards-Tate, MS, is a health care provider of over 30 years. As a featured “Communities Digital News” columnist, LifeCycles with Laurie Edwards-Tate emphasizes healthy aging and maintaining independence, while delighting and informing its readers. Laurie is a recognized expert in home and community-based, long-term care services, and is also an educator.

In addition to writing for “Communities Digital News,” Laurie is the President and CEO of her firm, At Your Home Familycare, which serves persons of all ages who are disabled and infirm with a variety of non-medical, in-home care and concierge services.

Copyright © 2015 by At Your Home Familycare

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Laurie Edwards-Tate
Laurie Edwards-Tate, MS, President and Founder of At Your Home Familycare in San Diego, California, was among the first to recognize the growing need for services allowing individuals to remain independent created by the aging of America including the Baby Boomer generation, now being called the “Silver Tsunami.” It is the Baby Boomers who are rapidly redefining what aging and growing older means and looks like in America today. Now celebrating its 28th year in business, AYHF is among San Diego County’s Top Women-Owned Businesses and Fastest Growing Businesses, and enjoys a reputation for upholding the highest possible standards among its employees and its emphasis on customer service. Edwards-Tate is a valued contributor to the public dialogue on current issues and challenges in the home care industry, and serves in leadership roles on the Home Care Aide Association of America Advisory Board and Private Duty Home Care Association Advisory Board, as well as the Home Care Aide Steering Committee of the California Association for Health Services at Home. Edwards-Tate is frequently interviewed in the media on healthy aging, caregiving, and health care topics. Follow Laurie and AYHF at www.atyourhomefamilycare.com; on Facebook at www.facebook.com/atyourhomefamilycare, and Twitter at @AYHFamilycare